I've been fighting BPII my whole life. Been misdiagnosed my whole life too until this year and got on meds that actually help a little. I'm just mostly tired of fighting was seems like a losing battle. It's 100x harder for me to just live in the world and do "normal" things without a fight. Going to work takes everything I have. Dealing with a marriage that's basically falling apart is exhausting. I hate where I live, I'm just sooooo tired of struggling much. I will never be NOT bipolar. This is what I have to "look forward to" in life. I'm just ready to check out, is all. Every day I wish that I could just blink out of existance and have been thinking of ways to make that happen that will 100% work. I'm a nurse, I work with psych patients so I see everyday the aftermath of not succeeding in an attempt. I am just afraid of the permanent disfigurement/organ damage if I fail. That's really the only thing keeping me standing.