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i am so going to do it..

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by White Dove, Jun 30, 2010.

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  1. White Dove

    White Dove Well-Known Member

    i so much am.

    So why am i going to do it? well a number of things has led me to..with one huge one and that is being accused of several things.. i mean come on what in the world is wrong with people these days? Do they not ever believe that they are the ones who could be wrong?

    my dad has cancer and he is taking chemo to try and fight it, well he wanted to take a trip with all of us to a theme park and he has the money in the bank.. well the only problem with that is he has a rep payee..they have control and say so on his money, well they tell us when we asked for some of his money to go get a RV. to buy one.. they would not let us rent one, well we go and get one, they release his money to buy it, and they tell us that in order to leave and go on the trip we have to leave around the 15 th of this month, so we do, we make plans and everything. well the guy we bought the RV off of tells us it had brand new tires on it and they look new, how are we to know they are not new when the tread on it is good, they even still have the stickers on them.. well we head out only to get stranded with 2 flat tires, so i kindly ask a minister to post it on an online local forum that we are needing 2 tires and all well he does do this for us. we finally get some tires somewhere and get back into towen, and i go online and read the things on there it makes me mad. so i post a very ill post and i get told its all my fault that i did all this, that i made my family suffer, and all because i did not check things out, but i did check things out and i was litterly forced to go on that date or they would not let dad have his money. i did what i had to do..

    well now they are saying that i am childish and everything else. they simply refuse to believe the truth after i have repeatedly told them. i had no choice but to go at that time, yet they all still say i am the one to blame for all this trouble,etc.. they are so blinded and nothing i can say will ever penetrate their tiny little minds. i did the only thing i could do. i dont have control over my dads money, that company does and the only way i could even attempt to get dads wish was to do exactly like that company said for me to do. and now i am being blamed as childish, and stupid, and dumb, because according to them i did not plan it out, did not listen to them but i did listen, and was forced into a decision that landed me stuck a few days up north and now come back to a big bam on to me from people i thought were my friends.. nobody is my friend..

    they say i am to blame for all this misery well its going to end.. without me here i cant cause any more pain on anyone. an i tried to reason with them, i really tried to, and yes i got mad and cursed, but i did try yet they wont listen.. they were not there when i talked to dads rep payee, they do not know what his rep payee told me or had me to do yet they think they know it all, but are so very wrong..

    so i am so going to do it.. i am sick of all this pain, of all this heartache and like they said i caused it all upon my family.. because of me and my stupid big heart to help give dad a final wish i messed it all up again, i always do again and again.. heck one even quoted that its the same ol same ol with me, i mean what the heck are they meaning? i cant change to please therm. i am simply me but they cant just love simply me, because i am not like them.. because i am dumb and stupid.. but i am so going.. i have had it with everything..
  2. White Dove

    White Dove Well-Known Member

    no one cares.. wow...:blink:
  3. Marty482

    Marty482 Well-Known Member

    I care WhiteDove!!!!

    Please don't let things get you down. You seem like a great person to have done all the things you've done. You should be proud that you tired to make your Dad happy!!!! That is a beautiful thing to do. Sometimes things go wrong and it's not anyones fault. It just does. When you do great things for people not everyone involved understands your intensions or appreciates,but it doesn't diminsh what a great thing you tried to do! I'll say a prayer for you and your Dad. My mother died of cancer many years ago, so I know what you're going through. Please remember this too. Your Dad is fighting for his life don't give up on yours. PLEASE don't hurt yourself . The world needs great people like YOU!!!!

    Write me if you want,

  4. White Dove

    White Dove Well-Known Member

    thank you marty..:hug:
  5. Prinnctopher's Belt

    Prinnctopher's Belt Antiquities Friend SF Supporter

    Dove, I'm sorry, I was distracted there. But I hope you know everything I said is true that these lowly people talking to you this way, knowing your situation, are NOT worth taking yourself over. :console:

    I hope that you'll feel better.
  6. Marty482

    Marty482 Well-Known Member

    MY pleasure WhiteDove , I hope you feel better today!!!!:IrishDoll:
  7. Daphna

    Daphna Well-Known Member

    I think it was a great thing you have done for your dad, and I have heard of those companies before. They can be a nightmare! My g-pa just passed of lung cancer. He smoked and paid for it dearly. Everyone is just stressed out because of the situation. It is hard to be the one they let it all out on, but in a way it is nice to know they trust that they can and you will still love them. Sort of like a child that throws fits at home but will be quiet around anyone else. The child trusts that he or she can throw a fit, and be ok. They are comfortable. Just keep the faith and stay loyal in prayer. Everything will work out. Blessings..
  8. White Dove

    White Dove Well-Known Member

    no problemo prinn.. hope to chat with again in chat sometime..if i am still here.

    thanks daphne

    marty, not feeling all that good or bad either just sort of in between.. have plans made for the 4 th.. just so tired of so many things.. you know? just tired of all the stress. i just wanted to help give my dad his wish and his rep payee was/is/are being a pain about all of it. their excuss is that they have a job to do like everyone else and all, but heck i asked the social security board if/why dad cant change his rep payee and they said he cant change them but i think he can. he has a legal right to choice who is over his check.. i asked the lady at the social security office if that was dads money and she said it was then i asked them why are you telling us that he cant spend his own retirement money that he worked hard for ( worked at a steel mill ) she said something about his money can only be used for his food, and home.. that is a bunch of bull if you ask me.. i was going to ask a lawyer about it for dad but i am just so sick of all the shit that goes on..i asked them if dad dies what happens to his money does it go to the rep payee? go back to ss or what? they never would give me an answer.. so basically dad has money that he cant use.. to me that is so wrong on some many levels...

    we did the only thing we could do at the time.. but at least i can say that if i had not of done that then dad would not have been able to have seen his oldest brother, now if dad dies in the next few months or not at least he had a chance to see his family up north.. it was either we go then or not at all..supposedly his rep payee was thinking that he might not be well enough a few weeks later and that is why they made us go then? who knows..

    on the other hand i wont be around by then anyhow myself, but my younger brother can take care of dad and all. i am just so sick and tired of all the BS that goes on around me and especially tired of trusting people who i thought were my friends and cared..i now know i have not one true friend at all here in tennessee or anywhere else that may be.. so it really dont matter what i do with my life.. guess tjhey dont think i will do anything or not seriouse about it?... well they are all going to find out soon enough..and besides what difference would it make or matter? not one bit because they dont care anyhow..

    when i needed them the most they left me, they judged me wrongly.. they did not know the facts an i guess still asume that they are all in the right.. if i had did attempt to go without checking things out and all then yes it would have been my fault and i would have said it was, but i had no choice but to do it like i did it. either i go or dad would lose out on a chance to see his family. and i am not sad i took him up there, because if we had not of done that then dad may not ever had gotten to see his family, and even though we did not go to the theme park, we did get to spend a wonderfull 2 days in a little campground called hidden paradise, despite the fact i did not sleep those 2 days.. i still had time with dad..

    we tried, really tried our best to just get dads rep payee to rent a rv at the park dad wanted to go to but they flat out refussed and made us buy him an RV. I still fully believe it was a set up just to hurt me.. well i am through getting hurt by them, let them have their fun talking about me, and calling me all kinds of names and throwing soccor punches at my threads cause it dont matter to a hill of beans about me or to me any more. i am through with life...

    i do got to get offline here and complete a few things, but will be on tomorrow night and possiably saturday night, but that is the very last anyone will ever hear from me again. this time there will be no going back ever..they hurt me for the last time..
  9. Marty482

    Marty482 Well-Known Member

    Hi White Dove,

    I'm so deeply sorry!!!!It sounds like a very complicated and difficult situation. Please don't do anything to yourself. You have acted honorably and are a great person. Don't let those people discourage you. Your Dad is fighting to live he needs you. We need you here. It would break my heart if you do anything. PLEASE DON'T!!!!

    So many are hurting you. Don't hurt yourself. I know it seems so painful now,but things won't always be this way. Nothing stays the same. Wait out the storm. You have people here who care about you and need you. Focus on us ,not the ones who aren't helping. I just said a prayer for you and hope you will pray too. For guidence and peace.

    Life needs people who care like you. You can do so much and are a very special person. I BEG you to stay with us and we all can help each other move forward and find the life we want. WE can all do this if we stay together and help each other. The past doesn't have to be the future.
    Please stay and let us give you love and help and we need yours too!!!!

    Write me if you like,

  10. White Dove

    White Dove Well-Known Member

    well marty it is all my fault. all my dang fault. a mod told me that. Said the reason they left that last post up with me cursing ( because they refussed to believe me and what i had to do in order to get dad to see his oldest brother ) and i cursed and posted back and the mods left it up for all to come and see it, oh yeah also for me to constantly remember just how stupid i am and to make me feel ashamed... well it does help me to do what i am going to do.. very much.. heck it was the final push, the last curton closes, type thing..here is a quote i got from a mod there..

    this is about the reps and how they say the reps are probly tired of dealing with me? hum.. i only asked for this one thing. this trip, after several months. i do not ask his rep for anything but this. one time. last time i had called them and asked for anything was back in november or october for dad wanted me to ask for him some money for christmas, which we did ask for 1000, but they did not even give him that, i think only about 400, but here is a reply from the mod about my dads rep payee and how i screwed it all up..

    (quote )

    you are right, I was not there while you were talking to the rep but it'd hard to believe that they said "you buy an RV do it now and go now or you get nothing".
    the only thing I can think of that may cause someone to act that way toward you would be you act the same way to them as you do everyone here and the Govt reps are tired of having to deal with you. (quote )

    i never got mad toward them or cursed them until we were stranded in indiana then i got hatefull with his rep..

    here is another quote from the mod saying it is all my fault.. well so be it all my fault and i will end everything and they can finally be happy without me to screw it all up..

    ( quote )

    The reason I did not delete that thread was because a couple of the mods who hold more power over the board than I do asked me to not delete it.
    they wanted you to have a reminder of how you acted to everyone especially Citizen (who has always done his best to defend your actions and support you) thinking it may embarrass you into acting in a different manner.
    truth is if you hadn't acted that way there would be no embarrassment for you

    (quote )

    so i caused it all and they go on and on about how embarresing it is and howe its gonna make me think? yeah.. it sure has helped me to decide several things..
  11. White Dove

    White Dove Well-Known Member

    oh and citizen is the minister who posted that first reply to me so yeah i snaped.. primn you read it in chat..what little bit i could post
  12. Marty482

    Marty482 Well-Known Member

    Hi WhiteDove,

    I'm really am sorry for your troubles. I KNOW you are doing your best and no one can ask more of you. try to not to let things get to you. Just go whre you feel comfortable for a while. I will be here for you anytime you need me. Please write or PM anytime and I will get back to you. Your are in my heart and prayers. Don't think any further than tomorrow and see what that brings.
    Ihonestly believe we can all help see you through these times till better ones come along!!!!

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