I am so gone!

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by White Dove, Mar 12, 2009.

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  1. White Dove

    White Dove Well-Known Member

    I am just so gone.. my life is nothing, i dont mean anything to anyone. i really dont.. so me is going camping...

    so what got me all upset?

    well.. this past week i had 2 interviews, one was in person and one on the phone.. well i go to the one in person and it goes well up until the point when they ask me if i have ever been in jail? :blink: well they do a background check on you so i am honest and tell them, yes i have been arrested and currently have a class c felony on my record.. i was totally honest with them.. well they tell me they have to take that into account and the interview stops, they say they will start calling people into work next week, well its been one week, and no phone call for me, so i figured i did not get hired, okay fine i am sure i can find something else.

    well, at church there is a posting for a house parent and the guy knows my minister, so like the dummy i am i go ahead and call him and gave my minister as a ref. sort of, well tonight i check my email and my minister had called him and said that he does not recomend me for the job, so the guy emailed me telling me that of what my minister told him and sai he would not hire me..:mad:

    working with kids is my life.. it has helped me emotionally many times, for me to work with children and help take care of them helps me to live and be happy also. i have babysitted many times and taken care of not just my nieces but neighbors kids and even strangers kids.. but you know what? i cant do a dang thing okay, i cant.

    and then i get this saying from my minister that i am wanted and appreceiated at church that right there is a bunch of BS...:mad: So i have made up my mind... in one week i am going camping.. plain and simple. Dad wants to go put flowers on his mother and dads grave and go visit his brother, his brother told him he could stay with him if he wanted to, well im taking dad to see his brother, then i am outta here and going camping.. enough is enough.. i have had it.. i am throw getting hurt by others who plainly will flat out lie telling me they love me and im appreciated:huh: yeah right, sure i am?????????

    i am no more appreceiated at church then i am anywhere else.. nobody will give me a job nor a chance, yeah you guys brought me back alright, back into a life as a low down transcient.. cause you see thats what i will end up to be.. one has to have a job in order to pay bills, how the heck you expect me to live? and those who think im not serious? well let me just say this.. i will be going to church sunday and you better enjoy my company and better at least say hi cause after church sunday i wont be there anymore..

  2. Shadowlands

    Shadowlands Official SF Hugger Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    *hugs Susan*
  3. Ignored

    Ignored Staff Alumni

    Working with kids is a very responsible job. Maybe your minister thought that you were too vulnerable right now to bear that responsibility? Surely the best thing is to ask him. As a point of etiquette, it is also usually courteous (and wise) to check that the person you give as a referee is willing and able to do it for you.
  4. mdmefontaine

    mdmefontaine Antiquities Friend

    susan. i am terribly sorry for all that is going on in your life. it seems overwhelming. know that i am thinking of you, and you can always message me if you want to talk. i have no good advice, but i can listen. and i care. :console:
  5. White Dove

    White Dove Well-Known Member

    yeah, maybe you guys are right...

    1 - heck, i know that i can not trust anyone, no matter what type of person they are..

    and 2 - i know that i am doomed to a life of solicitation in order to survive and pay bills because i cant get any other job.. so its either selling my body, selling drugs or dying... seeing as how i am already dying from cancer then it would not matter much to me to just sell my body, cause heck thats all i have left, but then again would death not be better?

    yeah, true, i have a life after death seeing as how i was saved and baptized, but do i really want to live after this body dies? right now id have to say a big no!!!!! i mean, if that is all im worth is to be a whore, or prostitute if you want to call it that? then what good does it even do to stay here?

    im not worth nothing to the church or God... i really aint... perhaps i should just .... well.. i am not worth anything and that is a cold hard truth that i have been trying to ignore, well i cant keep ignoring the plain truth, the thing that is right in front of me, so i give up.. i give up on everything and everyone.. sorry...
  6. White Dove

    White Dove Well-Known Member

    i think he thought i could not handle it.. and ask for asking him? no i would rather not bother with it, and i wont talk with him ever again.. he is in fact friends with D.D. and i assume that D.D. has told him the worst about me, heck i know B.B did, he warned woody about me? heck they are all out to hurt me dilberatly, i guess they think its fun to them to hurt me? but telling other people bad things, even if part of those things is true, is wrong to do so in Gods eyes,

    you cant trust a minister or pastor? you just cant trust them.. they lie.. and i know A.W. lied.. i had asked him if he had a printer and he said he did not, that is a lie! he told me that so he would not have to print out me a application for that job... they hate me, they all hate me...they dont love me, they never did... so im leaving.. heck i dont belong anywhere.. heck i doubt if i even belong here... i am so useless, i cant do anything.. my old boss when i had got burnt said what can you do? well duh.. i can cook, but not when they got a part that slips off and burns someone.. well that stare already got paid back.. they are right now out of business.. i think God done that, i really do.. they had it for sale but still ... anyhow i am worth nothing.. i cant do anything.. everything is so wrong for me..

    i hope someday that minister A.W. Realizes that what he said to keep me from getting a job might have just lead to the death of me and that that job could of saved my life!
  7. christian_1990

    christian_1990 Well-Known Member

    keep on searching for a job and forget about those idiots.
  8. White Dove

    White Dove Well-Known Member

    yeah maybe,

    but do you know just how long i have been searching for a job? for 4 years, 4 stinking long years and then there are the people who will look at that statement and say * for 4 years she could not get a job? * but the thing that bothers me the most is that i try.. i really truely try and i get pushed back down time and time again.. i have more then 1 strike against me.

    1 - i have a felony.. a stupid dang felony and it was not my fault, - well - sort of not - if i had nopt have trusted then i would not have had a felony, and if i had of had a good lawyer and money to fight the stupid system then perhaps i could have been okay... nobody will hire me because of that stupid felony.. and you cant work for a temp agancy with a felony record.. atwork wont hire me..

    then number 2 is i been depressed and attempted suicide and got locked up in a nut house, lol that looks good dont it? on my record no doubt... people wont hire me because they think i will go off on them or something, but God dang it i would not go off if i had a job or something to look forward to... but then again everyone else that thinks that way are way too stupid to realize that..

    number 3- my health problems.. they wont hire me because of my health... so what if i have many health problems? as long as i can still walk and can still stand then i can work.... but no they dont want to give me a chance... then i hear people say that one needs to help themselves, well dang it i have tried.. it has taken a lot out of me and i quit.. i went to collage online, did you know that? i graduated with a degree/diploma as a medical billing specialist which i am still paying the semster bill... and i did it for nothing.. i did it for nothing... Applied for a job at dollar general store, they did a background check then sent me the results, not just one thing was on my record but even something i never did, never was arrested for, etc, so the store did not hire me..

    now it has come down to the point of no return.. i have had it, with everyone ( not people here but out in my community who claim they care and thats a big lie ) and everything. i need a break.. its way too much stress for me,..

    so im going camping then i am packing my things and moving to utah.. got a job out there waiting on me.. yep, sure do.. guess what it is? a working girl job, in a brothal. because thats all im worth to men.. my body is the only thing worth anything to some dumb drunk rich man who needs company a few nights a week, and i get paid for it...

    have you ever heard that society is not the cause of people being like that? well thats B,..S.. Because it very well is.. i am already hired and my trip is paid for out there. i get room and board for in exchange for s.x. its what i have come down to and i hate it. i hate it and my life, but this world has pushed me into it...

    so now i have the question? which is better for me?




    that is something i will make a choice on while camping and while releasing my older brothers ashes per his wishes!
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