i am so lonely

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by alison, Aug 5, 2015.

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  1. alison

    alison Well-Known Member

    I don't even know how to begin to explain why I want to kill myself. I think I am mostly just feeling really alone. I don't really want to survive like this for another 50 years or however long I'm meant to last.
     
  2. Inspire&Inquire

    Inspire&Inquire SF Supporter

    Seek out others company. Develop an interest in other people.
     
  3. Moat

    Moat Banned Member

    If you just sit back and watch the World go by without doing anything significant with your life, then yes,you are always going to be lonely. That is especially true when feeling depressed; when someone knows they are, yet sit back and do nothing about changing their circumstances, then of course, nothing in life is ever going to change and that only makes the feelings build up and grow worse. You do not have to anything big to stopyourselfbeing lonely, even if you just go for a walk or get out to the beach or anything else you find fun kills time and allows you to experience a lot of things that would normally just pass you by if you keepyourself away at home or away from your natural daily habitual surroundings.
    As the last poster said, developing an interest in other people can be a good idea, but I understand how difficult that can be, and how much work it does actually take (depending on your mindset) so instead, you ust get friendly with some of your neighbours, take an interest in what they door find something of your own that you feel passionate about and that will get you motivated to do something other than your norm.
     
  4. kangaroo2

    kangaroo2 Active Member

    For some people it is hard to talk to others or meet other people, for whatever reason. Have you tried calling any of the crisis centres and talking with someone there? Just to talk anonymously could reduce your loneliness.
     
  5. alison

    alison Well-Known Member

    I try to seek out others company. I'm close to my family, I have a boyfriend, I have friends. I talk to them regularly. But I feel like I can't connect with anyone. Like I'm somehow different. I'm constantly surrounded by people but I feel all alone.

    I try to bring meaning to my life. I've been in therapy for awhile. I try to be a good friend/girlfriend/daughter/sister and help whenever I can to improve the lives of those around me. I'm in a phd program doing genetic disease research, and it used to feel important and valuable. I try really hard, I promise I do.

    I just feel so alone in the world still. Like no one truly understands me, nor do I truly understand anyone else. I think something is wrong with me. I'm not sure I'm meant for this world.

    If it matters, I've been diagnosed with a bunch of different things over the years - at one point or another I've been diagnosed with major depression, social phobia, generalized anxiety, anxiety NOS, panic disorder, OCD, bulimia,ed-nos and ptsd. they're not all current obviously (each doc thinks a different thing) but clearly I am a basket case somehow and just not meant for this planet.
     
  6. DrownedFishOnFire

    DrownedFishOnFire Quieta non movere

    Dont worry about the labels. Did you explain your feelings you just described to your T?
     
  7. alison

    alison Well-Known Member

    I try to explain them. I don't think I do a good job. I get nervous when I speak and stumble and use the wrong words a lot. Speaking is difficult for me, nothing comes out right.
     
  8. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Then alison print off what you have said here ok give it to your t put your thoughts in writing because there you are saying things clearly and we do understand ok I am sorry you feel so alone i know that feeling and i just want you to know you are not alone not here
     
  9. alison

    alison Well-Known Member

    Thank you. I see my therapist today and will try to explain it to her.

    Right now I'm sitting in my car outside of my lab building crying and panicking. I feel paralyzed to go in but my advisor is back and I am already late. I feel like I can't breathe. Other people dont understand just how difficult things are when you have anxiety. People pat me on the back and say it will get easier soon but they don't understand it's not about the work. I'm intelligent enough to do the work. It's the depression, the panic attacks, the constant feeling something is not right and about to explode everywhere. These aren't just passing thoughts, they never go away and my whole body is in terror all of the time. You know that feeling when you wake up suddenly (perhaps from a dream) and your heart is pounding and your stomach feels like it's in your throat? I have that feeling all the time, it never goes away.
     
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