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I am so sick of anxiety and insomnia and depression

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by Kabukicho, Mar 5, 2014.

  1. Kabukicho

    Kabukicho Member

    I am completely sick of these miserable cycles of anxiety, depression, and insomnia that I've found myself trapped in for the last few months. All three aspects feed on each other and create this nasty negative feedback loop. I don't know how to break the cycle except with large amounts of benzodiazepenes. Exercise doesn't help, alcohol doesn't help, smoking doesn't help, eating right doesn't help. Therapy is helping a little.

    Oh, and I'm sick of feeling like a junky for Xanax whenever I ask my doctor for a refill.
    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 5, 2014
  2. Twocky61

    Twocky61 Banned Member

    Welcome to SF Kabukicho

  3. Kabukicho

    Kabukicho Member

    Thanks. The hug kind of made me cry. I could say something trite like "I wish I didn't have to be on this site." But the truth is that I belong here--philosophically, emotionally, physically, spiritually. I am sick and I don't know how to get better. It's comforting to know that I'm not alone.
  4. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    You certainly are not alone. For quite some time (perhaps 3 years?) I was on xanax(3mg/per day). It is the devil drug to me so I decided to come off it. Over a period of gradually reducing (because the withdrawal is hell on earth) I am now off it. But there's more..when I stopped it completely my anxiety came back 10x worse and I was put on valium, which I am still on at 20mg per day. No withdrawal between doses anymore and much less addictive. But ya, I do know where you are coming from, for me all 3 went together too, these days though I am much better and can even go to work without medication. Psychotherapy taught me a lot in regards to coping skills, are you in therapy? If not,would you try it?
  5. Kabukicho

    Kabukicho Member

    Thank you for your kind words. I am in therapy and I have done therapy before. It helps a lot with the daytime anxiety. I really don't need any anxiety medication during the day. (I'm sure my quality of life would improve if I stuffed my face with Xanax before going to work, but I don't need to). CBT and mindfulness have worked wonders. But the insomnia is wretched. My mind will not stop humming away until 3 am or 4 am without medication. And when I don't sleep, it's bad. "Just tough out the insomnia," everyone says. I don't think it affects them the way it affects me. I get dizzy, have vertigo, feel tearful, and get panic attacks after a sleepless night.

    So right now it's the insomnia that is the big enemy. I'm also starting another "sleep hygiene" course with my therapist. But I've done that before and it's like a band-aid on a gunshot wound.