I am so so tired....

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by keepfighting, Jun 25, 2015.

  1. keepfighting

    keepfighting Member

    I am so freaking tired of having become my worst enemy!All the things and people which harmed me in the past are pretty far away now so I should feel safe but I guess if there's no one around anymore to hurt me I am doing it myself!why?is it just a bad habit?is it the only thing I know?I've been through so much I can't even tell....abuse,eating disorders,alcohol abuse,insomnia,self harm,the list goes on and on....whenever I stop with one a new one starts...been fighting for years with one ,I manage to handle it and then I find something else to hurt myself with....I am TIRED.I want it all to END.I can't fight anymore.
     
  2. keepfighting

    keepfighting Member

    I am so ashamed....I have a wonderful husband,not perfect but he's trying,a beautiful child and expecting another one....and what do I do...I try to destroy everything but focusing on myself and my shit and how to hide it from everybody else....my family deserves better!!!my problems are affecting them and they don't even realize it...YET!
     
  3. NYJmpMaster

    NYJmpMaster Have a question? Message Me Staff Member Forum Owner ADMIN

    You seem to have actually figured it out - at least the hard part- that it is just a habit and that you are doing it to yourself now. The only good thing about self destructive actions is that we are the ones in control of them which means we can make them stop and choose to act or react differently. Once you have got to the point where you are truly sick and tired of feeling the way you have been making yourself feel , finding the energy to make better choices is easier.
     
  4. keepfighting

    keepfighting Member

    that's exactly the problem I am having lately...have so much to do and so many problems that I don't have any energy left for fighting ...I end up giving up,every single day...my intrusive obsessive thoughts have taken my mind over....I just hate this
     
  5. NYJmpMaster

    NYJmpMaster Have a question? Message Me Staff Member Forum Owner ADMIN

    When problems are mounting and overwhelming it is impossible to tackle all of them at once, and trying to deal with the really big ones is such a long process it is exhausting and impossible to really try. Try starting with the smallest problems you can think of or that are bothering you- the little things you can fix. 15 minutes to do the dishes, or spend extra time with your child for example (completely random pulled out of air - not implying either are lacking or a problem) id something to feel better than having done "nothing" for the afternoon and feeling bad at having done "nothing". Taking on the small things and getting successes at the small things will help uncloud the picture so it is not "everything is broke" anymore. When you have succeeded at a few of the tiny things, look at the bigger problems as steps- you cant make the problem go away today , or this week, but you can make it smaller this week if you ______ . Then start that.

    It is for many (and me personally) the hardest thing to do- to get started on things when they get completely overwhelming because it feels like nothing will make any difference and there is not time or energy to do it all anyway. Once you do fore yourself to some action though, the energy to do more is a lot easier to find and and the pile of problems does get smaller. Even though there will always be more new as well, once you accustom yourself to dealing with them instead of using all energy and strength just worrying , it is far easier to make your life better and see real improvements of over time.
     
  6. keepfighting

    keepfighting Member

    I just wanna be able to realize that even if I can't control everything ,not everything that might happen (as a surprise) will be a BAD thing or something that will eventually hurt me...I ended up being a control freak and it's exhausting me!My daily routine has become an obsession and doing the same things all over again are just not who I am!I know it and it saddens/annoys me.There are days when I am proud of how I handled my problem but I am being pulled back a few days later...I guess I would love for someone to assure me that today's success will last forever but on the other hand I realize it's up to me.....guess it's enough for now,thanks for listening,be back.love
     
  7. NYJmpMaster

    NYJmpMaster Have a question? Message Me Staff Member Forum Owner ADMIN

    Sounds like you have the right attitude- and understand what the issue is that is causing the problems with emotional exhaustion and worry- I hope you are able to realize your goal of not letting the fear of something happening control you. Sometimes just talking helps so please come by to rant and talk as you like. Also , sometimes answering other posts with similar issues lets you realize you already have your own answers because it makes you look at things objectively instead of personally. I hope today is better for you :hug: