I am so tired of depressing things everyday

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by kcinva, Oct 23, 2006.

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  1. kcinva

    kcinva Active Member

    I dont know how much more I can take of this godamned life....everyday is just misery and some new problem...today I am supposed to start a piddly ass job but I have to postpone it a week because my mom had to go to the emergency room and I had to wait for her to call for a ride home..EVERYDAY OF MY LIFE SUCKS...its cold and MISERABLE outside...I am lonely...and I just want to blow my head off!....NO DOCTORS!!!!!! ALL THEY WANT TO DO IS PERSECUTE ME!!! I HATE THIS WORLD!!!!!!!!! HOW MUCH DOES A PERSON HAVE TO TAKE BEFORE THEY CAN KILL THEMSELVES....I just want to be in my grave next to my grandmother....NO ONE CAN HELPME AND I CANT HELP MYSELF!!! I HATE THIS ROTTEN CESSPOOL OF A WORLD!!!
  2. iQuit

    iQuit Well-Known Member

    Don't do it! Your life will get better soon!
  3. kcinva

    kcinva Active Member

    Please Dont Tell Me That! They Told Me That 20 Years Ago...its Not True...
  4. LetItGo

    LetItGo Staff Alumni

    Are you seeing anyone atm? You say youve been doctors before, and it doesnt seem like youve had a positive experience, but once size doesnt fit all. Finding a doctor that you can trust and communicate with can be half the battle, but its definately worth trying.

    I agree..my life hasnt improved since I was a teenager, theres know point in verbally saying it will improve, over and over, when you know in your heart of hearts its not going to improve until YOU take action.

    You might be really struggling right now to even find the strength to live everyday, but if you can manage just a couple of days of sheer willpower to push through all that and get the ball rolling on getting help, things could look a lot brighter all of sudden.

    So thats what im asking of you, do you think its possible to push yourself, I mean really push yourself, for just a couple of days to get the ball rolling on your recovery? Taking that effort to talk to family, make appointments with the doctor, make a couple phone calls to some mental health services, even taking a nice long walk in the fresh air. All of those are a good way to start.

    If your feeling lonely, and you ever want to talk...send me a PM, or head for the chat room..theres normally some people in there to help and support you.
    Last edited by a moderator: Oct 23, 2006
  5. kcinva

    kcinva Active Member

    Thanks but I have tried everything...I just am not strong enough to keep trying...I never get one break...not one...there is no god..and life sucks...I will be damned if I am going to keep on living on useless hope...when there is none...I have nothing at all to look forward to and it just isnt worth it...I would rather be dead...
  6. Syd

    Syd Guest

    If anything could make your life enjoyable again, what would it be? When you were young, what did you dream of?
  7. kcinva

    kcinva Active Member

    Lots of things make me happy...but none of them are possible anymore...I am the walking dead..I am in a hopeless situation and I am going to kill myself soon....I can feel it...
  8. kcinva

    kcinva Active Member

    My dreams are dead...and so am I...my life is over..I can not get it together and I have not got the coping skills or any support....family or friends...I just want to die...
  9. LetItGo

    LetItGo Staff Alumni

    Have you tried writing down what makes you happy? Take a stab at replying to this thread with what makes you happy and lets take a look at it. I doubt very much whether you cant at least find a couple of those things again.

    Lets take a look at them.
  10. Syd

    Syd Guest

    I agree, there is a lot of bad in this world.. but there is a lot of good too. Weighing the pros and cons would give us an objective look at the situation.
  11. Syd

    Syd Guest

    You said many things make you happy, what were they? What did you do for fun before, and how is it different now?
  12. kcinva

    kcinva Active Member

    I have no family, no woman wants me, I am intelligent but no employers want me, nothin ever works out for me...I have loset all the friends I had because I was an alcoholic and even when I am sober I screw up everything I touch, I have to worst luck in the world, I do not fit in here for some reason...I am cursed...
  13. Syd

    Syd Guest

    Where are you from, and what kind of work do you do?
  14. kcinva

    kcinva Active Member

    I live in a small town in Virginia...I used to be an antique dealer but since I moved here there are not auctions and I ran out of money and I havent been able to find a job for 2 years.
  15. Syd

    Syd Guest

    If you're able to work in eastern VA near the district, it would be great if you could get involved in a government job, as they can provide good benefits and long-term security. I remember some sites online that listed a lot of classifieds for a wide range of gov't jobs. My parents both work for the government and started out with low paying jobs, but kept moving up to higher positions every few years, you just have to find something and stick with it.

    Also there are of course the classifieds in the city paper too, I just recommend looking online because it's faster if you know what you're looking for. There are jobs that don't require experience, and also telecommuting jobs such as editing for example - which require a computer, internet, email, and maybe fax machine, but you can do all the work at home.

    Right now, I think it would do some good just to take a break and call up any old friends or relatives, and just get together and spend some time with them. There must be someone who wants to hear from you again. Even if there is no one at all, you still have your intelligence, as you've noted, and that's the most important thing. No matter what you lose, you still have your mind and the ability to use it towards something positive. Deep down, there is something important to you. Think back to what made you truly happy in life, and remember this feeling. You can find this again, if you want it enough. That's what you will need to motivate you.

    You've experienced a lot of pain and loss, but you're still here today talking to us. That gives me hope, because you want to feel better again, and all of us here as humans know pain and how hard it can be.. but people like yourself and others here who have refused to give up despite tragedy are heroes to the rest of us for making it this far. There are others in this world who may be counting on you, who knows - you may make someone's life better who wouldn't have had a chance alone. Society needs change, that's what motivates me.. I want to improve society for others, it gives me a purpose. Join us here and help others so that those after you won't have to experience the problems you've encountered.

    Share your stories, and your mistakes, and your ideas. All of us can learn from your experiences, and those you help may be able to help you in return. If there is no other reason to stay, do it for the good of humanity, and to help us learn. Tell us about your early life, the good times and the bad, everything. I will listen, and maybe others here will have similar stories to tell as well.
  16. thesilence

    thesilence Guest

    One thing to remember,


    If you couldn't go on you would die, straight out. Are you still alive? Yes. Why? because you CAN go on. It may not feel like it, but you have to look beyond that.

    If you are supposed to die, you will. If you aren't, you won't.

    There is a reason God conciders Suicide the unforgivable sin. You're taking something you don't have the right to take.

    If you won't live for yourself, live for your family, your friends, and the people you may love, cherish and save. the people you will positivly influence.

    If you don't think your life is worth it, do it because one day, you will take away someone's pain, one day, you will make someone smile, one day, you will save them from the same fate your facing.
  17. kcinva

    kcinva Active Member

    Thanks...I am still here!...things did get a little better for me today...my lawyer called up and she got the freeze taken off my bank account by this stupid credit card company..so something good finally happened to me...at least I will have gas money to start my new job next week....even though it doesnt pay much and I have to drive 50 miles one way to get there...
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