I am sorry

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by spidy, Nov 28, 2009.

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  1. spidy

    spidy Well-Known Member

    nope no more cant even explain whats maaking me so sht house and suicidle im not and wont keep doing this please dont answer to this thread or pm me ive had enough all i want to say is MERRY XMAS AND HAPPY NEW YEAR im doing tomorrow when she gets bck these thghts and ideas are gunna kill me anyway and there is no help sorry to be a negative person ya all mght have liked me if i was normal i mght have been able to help too but im too fcked up now i hate life and hey im actually crying now yaY but this is it no more had enough am i scared shaking to bits as i know its close couple of cuts tnght while ive got kids dissappear tomorrow
     
  2. nolonger

    nolonger Well-Known Member

    Please stay with us Gav :(. I hope you reconsider, I'm sure you've heard this half a million times and probly get pissed at it but; please admit yourself to hospital - call a crisis line - call the police or someone.

    Please :(
     
  3. spidy

    spidy Well-Known Member

    Fck hosp as they just in and out ya there is no help nothing to reconsider im alone in this i cant even explain why now im so gone and when the bitch gets home tomorrow im off on the path i have angels in my care tnght and i will guard them but they really dont need me im too lost
     
  4. nolonger

    nolonger Well-Known Member

    By angels I'm assuming kids, also from a previous post. But they do need you :(, without parents all the kids are lost and they have no one left to go to, from your eyes you may seem to be some low life that can't bother being around. But for them you are their rock :(.
     
  5. spidy

    spidy Well-Known Member

    Yes 4 buetiful angels they deserve better not me she mght find the rght person to take over my role as im not fit to be a father
     
  6. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Hi Gav, I've been reading some of your posts and I know you are in a lot of pain. I'd strongly urge you to go to a hospital, I know you have said you dislike them but give it another chance and also see if they can refer you to a therapist. Don't give up!
     
  7. nolonger

    nolonger Well-Known Member

    Deep down you ARE fit to be a father! The fact that you've put these thoughts and actions off as much as possible for their sakes proves you are definately father content. They will never be attached to another man, they will always be attached with you.
     
  8. spidy

    spidy Well-Known Member

    Guys i have no other way im cutting rght now im holding off to do the rght thing tomorrow no other way no joke docs and all tht b/s think im not real as i cant express why im so suicidle but i cant keep going on day in day out feeling like i am i really dont even know who i am anymore
     
  9. nolonger

    nolonger Well-Known Member

    Please do your best not to cut, I don't know what your plan is but the people that find you or what ever will be devastated...If you can, somehow find comfort in the fact that someone that has been in the same postion as you before is caring and worrying about your condition - me. I'm sure there are others here that have read this and just can't come to writing something because they themselves are dieing.
     
  10. molotov

    molotov Well-Known Member

    you ARE a good father, gav! yes, ok, you have a lot of dark shit going on in your head and yes, ok, sometimes the kids have to see dad when he is not just all sunshine and rainbows. but they get to see dad, dad is there, kids can tell whether they matter to their parents and i have talked to you for maybe 10 minutes online and read 4 of your posts and, hell, even i already know how much your kids matter to you, you are willing to put up with so much just to be with them. and that is irreplacable for kids, no other person in the world could give them what you give them.

    it is so hard i know i know, you are in such a hard living situation and things are really bad and your therapists are definitely not helping the situation, yes, but please don't check out because you think you are doing your kids a favor, because nothing could be further from the truth.

    please keep talking to us, we are here
     
  11. spidy

    spidy Well-Known Member

    Yes they are my world and the only thng ive got rght in my life and yes you guys are great here im just not rght and i thnk im doing the rght thng in checking out as when my mood swings im not nice person and i cant keep complaining how ive got it my head not rght and its getting worse i cant cope
     
  12. nolonger

    nolonger Well-Known Member

    They are your world and you are their world. I have a mate at school, and from what he's said to his friends around me is that his dad has extreme if not chronic depression. And now apparently he doesn't live with them(his mother and his sister) anymore. He doesn't like to talk about his dad very much at all. I may catch half a sentence and ask him "Who was lying on the floor?" and he'd kind of change the subject..But the thing is you wont be that father. You aren't going to just leave your family and let them worry. Try to get help :(.
     
  13. spidy

    spidy Well-Known Member

    Help here is a joke ive tried no joke everytime i thnk im gunna get it let down someone gives me a glimmer of hope let down so as i said i ll treat myself in one way i know tht will work
     
  14. nolonger

    nolonger Well-Known Member

    It wont work. Only for you. Not those that care for you in real life. Not those that have made some sought of connection with you over a website for people in need. It sounds pathetic but we do what we need to get by. And I find it very sad that there's a possibility that before I wake up tomorrow there could be one less interesting and unique person on this earth :(.
     
  15. molotov

    molotov Well-Known Member

    so what, so you're not a nice person when you're down? who IS? sometimes my parents were total jerks, everyone's parents are sometimes, but your kids know that you love them, there is a world of difference between "dad loves us but he is depressed/angry/upset/ill/whatever" and "dad could care less about us" and kids can tell, yes they can.

    please. think about how important your mom was to you and then multiply that times four. i do not even mean this as some kind of guilt trip, i am trying to tell you that there is at least one thing that you are doing EXACTLY right and that is being a loving, caring father.

    as for the complaining: i think, if anything, you are not complaining enough! please don't let anyone else tell you that your feelings and problems are not important, if they say that they don't understand, and that sucks, but that is their fault, not yours. it is so hard to speak up and get the help you need but you CAN do it!
     
  16. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    I know you're going through hell right now. But what other people have said here is true. I don't even know you that well, and I can see how much your kids mean to you. And whether you realize it or not, you mean just as much to them. You're their dad, and nobody can EVER take your place in their lives.

    Is there any other way you can reach out and try to get some help, anyone you know that you can talk to?

    Please keep talking here!
     
  17. spidy

    spidy Well-Known Member

    i cant answer sht at moment having a good cry just cant answer responded to one post but i need my knife be bck soon
     
  18. nolonger

    nolonger Well-Known Member

    Well when you come back and see this, try your best to put the knife down. Or chuck it out the window...actually that's probably a real bad idea..could kinda hurt someone. But do your best to not cut. We're with you :).
     
  19. molotov

    molotov Well-Known Member

    oh lord oh lord, please take a deep breath, try punching the wall or screaming your head off or taking a freezing cold shower, you do not want more scars and more mess, you just want to feel something and there are other ways of getting that! believe me i can relate but i know you say yourself you regret it afterward, please try another way

    lots of love, i am glad you can cry it out though, please keep writing when you are ready
     
  20. nolonger

    nolonger Well-Known Member

    Exactly what molotov said. I think I used to break things when I needed to vent as such...Do you have like an old microwave or some crappy computer lying around in the garage or something? Take a baseball bat to it, mmm now that makes it sound like I need anger management classes :unsure:.
     
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