Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Godsdrummer, Jun 15, 2011.
Why do I even bother. I am pathetic waste of a human being. I cant even take care of my family.
That's where you're wrong. You aren't pathetic, and you're doing your best. That's the most important thing. You're providing for your family. It's not easy out there, and we all know it.
I mean I was riding the wave. Car has finally been repaired, avoided some pitfalls with that along the way...then all of a sudden without giving me a chance to react or work with me, the freaking gas company is going to shut off our gas service to our home. They wont let me make payment arrangements etc.
While that is stressful, I think it speaks to a bigger picture of how at the age of 44 years, I can not better provide for my family that a utility is turning off service to our home.
You know why, cause even though I have been off the bottle for 2 years, even though I have managed to take my meds for almost a solid year, I suck when it comes to living. I have never been able to land that perfect job..and when I did in the past it didnt last.
Why....cant I land that perfect job, bescause of mistakes I made in my youth that I cant recover from.
hence pathetic looser. Hence not worthy of living. Wasting space and air is what I seem to do best.
no one is a waste of air
Please don't give up. you have come this far, you would be missed if you werent here.
No one can judge you for something you did when you were young we all make mistakes then that is how we learn. Can you go with a different gas company then one that will arrange a payment plan with you. hugs You are not useless okay you are doing the best you can you are trying hugs
Nope I cant go with a different gas provider until my current provider is current.
The infuriating part is that I am not that far off moneywise from getting this thing done, but they wont work with me.
I am scared to go to bed, cause then I will wake up, and who knows what other crisis is coming?
But I try to maintain my faith.
I hope you do well for your family and more importantly yourself. Don't worry about the gas now. Just look towards ways of how you are going to fix it and I'm sure you will find a way.
:i'm sorry: that life sucks. But I guess you have to find someway of making it livable.
Good luck friend.