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I am terrified.

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by loljenny91, Dec 19, 2010.

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  1. loljenny91

    loljenny91 Member

    I think I'm slowly becoming slowly mentally unstable. Or, I have been for years, and have only just noticed it last night. Let me explain...

    A few nights ago, a guy who was supposed to be my best friend made a pass at me. This would've been an easy to forgive misunderstanding, if he didn't try and do it again and again, despite me pushing him away three times and even telling him to leave me alone. I haven't spoken to him since.

    Since then, I have been reminded of my traumatic childhood, in which my eldest brother raped me. I thought I had put all these thoughts and nightmares behind me, but they've all been rushing back to me like it all happened yesterday.

    Losing the trust of my best friend has just made something in me crack, and now I feel like I literally have no one or nothing to turn to. So, I desperately turn to you.

    Last night I was having nightmares again. I can no longer sleep. Even when I'm awake, I get the horrible thoughts endlessly popping into my mind. I've been talking to myself, telling my brain to stop thinking these thoughts. I'm scared that one day my mum is going to walk by my room one day and hear me talking to myself, no, hissing to myself. I've only just realised that these actions aren't particularly sane, are they? I just get really angry with my mind for constantly reminding me of how fucked up things are. I have explosive bouts of crying, too. I mean, these crying fits give me the worst headaches ever. I eventually calm myself down, but I'm still thinking the horrible thoughts in the back of my mind.

    Today, I thought I had gotten over it all, but as soon as I got into my room and was finally alone, I had a breakdown.

    I need help. If I were to make a doctor appointment, would they help me?

    This is the first time in my entire life that I've become genuinely terrified that I'll lose all control of my thoughts and become a danger to my loved ones or myself. That is why I have been crying a lot more often lately. Crying out of pure fear. Please help me.
  2. FlashingFlickering

    FlashingFlickering Well-Known Member

    Hello Jenny,

    Making a doctors appointment sounds like a *brilliant* idea, it truely will help you. That's probably one of the best things you can do, and it's quite an accomplishment to even consider it. A regular doctor can refer you to a more appropriate professional/specialist, and that could be what you need to help you. You also may need medication that can help to alter your thoughts, but a licensed doctor would have to prescribe that.

    Please call up your doctor as soon as you can, and if you ever do think you're become a danger to yourself or someone else, get urgent help, even if that means going to the emergency room!
  3. dazzle11215

    dazzle11215 Staff Alumni

    sounds like classic ptsd. it can hit you years after the original abuse.
    you should def. go the doctor. among other things they can refer you to a trauma specialist. and there is medication you can take. i'm on propranalol for nightmares caused by childhood abuse. it has really helped. you could ask your doctor about it.
  4. CatherineC

    CatherineC Staff Alumni

    This happened to me too. I thought I'd got over it and it all came back in a rush. You are displaying symptoms of PTSD so a trip to the doctor is definitely in order. They'll be able to offer lots of help both meds and therapy (and I'd advise that you use both)
    Feel free to pm me at anytime if you need to talk
  5. takencontrol

    takencontrol Well-Known Member

    hi Jenny

    i was raped when i was 15 and its only in the last 4 yrs it has really hit me. i am currently having counselling and it is really helping. i hope you can get to the doctors and get help to cope with how youre feeling. we are all here for you and would like to help if we can. thinking of you x
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