I think I'm slowly becoming slowly mentally unstable. Or, I have been for years, and have only just noticed it last night. Let me explain... A few nights ago, a guy who was supposed to be my best friend made a pass at me. This would've been an easy to forgive misunderstanding, if he didn't try and do it again and again, despite me pushing him away three times and even telling him to leave me alone. I haven't spoken to him since. Since then, I have been reminded of my traumatic childhood, in which my eldest brother raped me. I thought I had put all these thoughts and nightmares behind me, but they've all been rushing back to me like it all happened yesterday. Losing the trust of my best friend has just made something in me crack, and now I feel like I literally have no one or nothing to turn to. So, I desperately turn to you. Last night I was having nightmares again. I can no longer sleep. Even when I'm awake, I get the horrible thoughts endlessly popping into my mind. I've been talking to myself, telling my brain to stop thinking these thoughts. I'm scared that one day my mum is going to walk by my room one day and hear me talking to myself, no, hissing to myself. I've only just realised that these actions aren't particularly sane, are they? I just get really angry with my mind for constantly reminding me of how fucked up things are. I have explosive bouts of crying, too. I mean, these crying fits give me the worst headaches ever. I eventually calm myself down, but I'm still thinking the horrible thoughts in the back of my mind. Today, I thought I had gotten over it all, but as soon as I got into my room and was finally alone, I had a breakdown. I need help. If I were to make a doctor appointment, would they help me? This is the first time in my entire life that I've become genuinely terrified that I'll lose all control of my thoughts and become a danger to my loved ones or myself. That is why I have been crying a lot more often lately. Crying out of pure fear. Please help me.