for this site. When I'm troubled, I read a couple posts, and get insight into myself and the world. I do find the strength to go on. I still think that it takes guts to follow through and kill yourself. There are still many moments when I say fuck you god, I'm gonna kill myself. And there are ways of killing yourself without killing yourself. Like thinking about hurting others. I can't tell you about all the anger seething in me when I drive around, wishing that I was someplace else. Wishing that I didn't have to struggle to re-invent myself just to pay some fucking bills. Or having to get along with people who end up stabbing me in the back. My life will be a victory if I escape death by my own hand. But sometimes it is so tempting.