I am that useless that ive even just gone and posted this in totally the wrong place

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by shamps, Apr 22, 2010.

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  1. shamps

    shamps Well-Known Member

    Im so not used to this sleeping alone lark.......im so tired but I cant sleep.And the few winks I do get I wake and for a few seconds I still think we are together,you can imagine my heartache when I realise that hes gone.I want to sleep but cant and when I do im afraid to wake...................
     
  2. Chargette

    Chargette Well-Known Member

    Re: I am that useless that ive even just gone and posted this in totally the wrong pl

    :hug:
     
  3. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

    Re: I am that useless that ive even just gone and posted this in totally the wrong pl

    sleeping alone has a lot of good points which you won't believe just yet...too early in your grief...
    I'm thinking of you and know your pain...:hug:
     
  4. shamps

    shamps Well-Known Member

    Re: I am that useless that ive even just gone and posted this in totally the wrong pl

    i miss him and right now hes in her arms and the worst bit is he left me knowing i had those pills and there has been no txt or call to see if im ok.how can someone be so heartless?is it normal to be this up and down?literally minute to minute im feeling different things.i cant cope swinging backwards and forwards like this.i know thats what this site is for but i cant help thinking that my problems seem trivial when i read other peoples posts....dont want anybody feeling under duress to reply to me and i am sorry to go on
     
  5. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

    Re: I am that useless that ive even just gone and posted this in totally the wrong pl

    Your problems arent trivial shamps...I remember being there myself and it's a horrible thing to have done to you...know you're not alone and we're here to support you....what you're feeling is normal...
    have you considered getting a councelor to help you through this? they helped me cope...
    ....hugs
     
  6. shamps

    shamps Well-Known Member

    Re: I am that useless that ive even just gone and posted this in totally the wrong pl

    ive had different councelors on and off for the past 16years and they all just tended to repeat what i said in a way that made me like i didnt really deserve to be there,im not sure if its coz we just didnt gel as i have to feel comfortable with them but in which case it kinda put me off.the only one thats been of any use in the past was a lovely guy that was employed through my work specifically for staff and we were allowed to take time out to go see him.i saw him for years as ive been in my job 12yrs now,he got to know my past inside out and i didnt then have to start from scratch everytime i went to him,unfortunatly due to so called budget cuts that service came to a brisk halt a couple of yrs ago.
    erm,i dont know if im going mad here but this is a 4story house,im sat in bed and am positive i keep hearing somebody downstairs,its freaking me out.just went down to check and as i got to the bottom of the stairs i heard a loud banging coming from the cellar which is the kitchen.i tried to turn the lights on to go down to that floor and weirdly the lights blew......i darednt go down in the dark.its probably nothing and that im just not used to being on my own here but i dont know whether im going mad or not
     
  7. Things

    Things Well-Known Member

    Re: I am that useless that ive even just gone and posted this in totally the wrong pl

    I hear strange noises all the time when I sleep in a new place. It happens to everyone (hell, sometimes I hear it places where I'm used to sleeping. I always play "background noise" by having the TV on or a radio to drown them out).

    You're not going crazy. :hug:

    How are you today?
     
  8. ozbound

    ozbound Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    Re: I am that useless that ive even just gone and posted this in totally the wrong pl

    They say time is a great healer not sure how true that is as I don't feel like i'm healing but i think i'm just getting used to the fact that she is not with me anymore. So please hang on in there I still have down days and my mood changes hour to hour and sometimes minute to minute but some how I manage to go on. I wonder some times how but we do so please keep posting we are here for you.
     
  9. shamps

    shamps Well-Known Member

    Re: I am that useless that ive even just gone and posted this in totally the wrong pl

    but this isnt a new space to me im still in the house we were renting together,hes gone and taken nearly everything with him and im just walking around it lost.feel like im intruding its nearly empty.we bought alot of things together but most stuff he had before we met so hes taken everything he bought and left me with practically nothing except a bed tv and fridge...kind ey?im used to this bed and this bedroom but i just cant sleep in it,ive had two hours broken kip and i feel ill.i wake up with a really really really bad ache for him.now im just back to square one,yesterday i had calmed a little and now im just back where i started.im out of milk and cigarettes.aint left the house for,erm cant even remember how long,i know i must venture out but what once was a normal everyday task now seems to take so much energy thinking about it.dont want to step out there and feel the world is laughing at me.
     
  10. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

    Re: I am that useless that ive even just gone and posted this in totally the wrong pl

    shamps people won't be laughing at you.....you haven't done anything wrong...he's the one who should be hiding his face in shame...
    I think it's a good idea for you to get out of the house even though it's hard to do...going for a walk is good .....being around people helps even if its only at the shopping centre.....puts life into perspective getting out of our own little world....:hug:
     
  11. shamps

    shamps Well-Known Member

    Re: I am that useless that ive even just gone and posted this in totally the wrong pl

    thanks for that.........i guess its just me being selfish.i almost feel like while im down then everybody out there should be too.seeing happy people reminds me of what i had and have had taken from me.its wrong i know but i just cant deal with the outside world at the mo
     
  12. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

    Re: I am that useless that ive even just gone and posted this in totally the wrong pl

    that' ok too...and you're not being selfish....wait till you're ready....look after yourself ..you deserve it.....hugs
     
  13. ~Claire

    ~Claire Well-Known Member

    Re: I am that useless that ive even just gone and posted this in totally the wrong pl

    HMRC have BPS (Business & People Support), it replaced what was welfare. They do online counselling or face to face.
     
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