I am the abuser.

Discussion in 'Rape and Abuse' started by Sardonia, Aug 19, 2011.

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  1. Sardonia

    Sardonia Well-Known Member

    I am the abuser. And I am sorry for it. I am a bisexual in a relationship with a girl whose parents do not like that we're together, and from the beginning have made that painfully obvious, even if they never actually said so. Unfortunately, I have a temper problem, and I am easily set off by intolerance and things that reminded me of how I was abused when I was younger, and I sometimes snap and text my girlfriend or yell at her and call her stupid, or a jerk, and curse at her. Recently, her father texted me on her phone, yelling about this, and I understand. The sad thing is though, when it's just her and I together, I'm fine, we're fine, she says so herself, which I didn't believe her at first, but I do now. When it's just us, and her parents aren't brought up, I can accept when things frustrate me, and I don't yell at her or call her names at all. Unfortunately, when we're not together or we're trying to plan a time to see each other (since we haven't seen each other outside of school in months), I snap more easily, and I always feel really bad afterward. I know, I am a terrible person, and the one I'm really yelling at is me, I am stupid, I am a jerk and I am an idiot. I just needed someone to tell me to realize it I suppose. I wanted to know, even though I'm sure that I will be yelled at for being one who abuses and feeling abused by her parents doesn't make an excuse for taking it out on her, but I just want to talk to her, to sort things out. I want to talk to her about if she wants to leave me, without getting angry, accepting what she chooses. If she wants to leave me, then I will walk out of her life for good, but, if she doesn't, I will swear that I will never text or yell at her in such a fashion again and try to express my feelings more clearly, and I will do so. Is that okay? Is that reasonable enough? Should I be allowed to talk to her? I haven't consistently abused her, but I, of all people, know how scarring verbal abuse can be, even if it's not every day or week. Please help... I'm on the edge of suicide, and I need courage to change..
     
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Hun is there anyway you can get treatment to help you withyour anger issues to help you control your anger when it builds upinside hun.
    It is pain being released and you need to get that looked at and dealt with okay with help from a professional yu can have control back
    I do hope in time you can talk to your friend but first get some anger therapy to help you okay hugs
     
  3. Sardonia

    Sardonia Well-Known Member

    I just wish my family had the money to get professional help, but, for now, I'm just trying to self-treat and avoid things that could possibly set me off
     
  4. UsedToBe

    UsedToBe Well-Known Member

    Have you tried self help books? I'd start with Ron Potter Efron's "angry all the time". His other books are good too. They helped me a lot with my anger management issues.
     
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