Normally, I'd write a lot more but I'm too depressed to write very much. I am the biggest loser alive and I'm the only fucked up person in my area. I'm inferior to all of my parent's friend's kids for example, all the people my or near my age, I'm inferior to all of them. I have no friends, don't get very good grades, I'm the only one depressed, only one seeing a phyciatrist. Why do I have to be the only loser around. I can't even be depressed as everyone else around me has completely perfect lives, all so happy and full of life, enthusiaum, they'd be shocked if I even talked about, let alone commited suicide. I have to pretend to be happy and it really fucking sucks. I hate this life and I can't see it getting better. Nobody would want to be my friend, nobody would want to be my life partner, I'll have to get used to living my entire life all alone. I know I keep repeating this, but I was raised differently, wrong by my parents and I've turned out to be a very screwed, fucked up person. I know for sure that I am different from everyone, and I mean really different. I'm sure when I go to my parent's friend's houses, they and their kids make fun of me behind my back, I'm so damn sensitive and have no self esteem. I hate this, I hate this, I wish things would get better. If there is a god out there or other divine force, I please pray that you can make things better. My life is complete, utter shit and I hope I can turn it around. I'm feeling so low..... I don't think I would ever cut or anything, just end my pathetic existence as quickly and painfully as possible. Sigh...............sob.....sob.