I am thinking of ending my life

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Sad&Bipolar, Jul 5, 2015.

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  1. Sad&Bipolar

    Sad&Bipolar Active Member

    It's been over a year since I have felt this suicidal. I am thinking of ending my life sometime this week. I am hurting so much right now. I had a bad report from my doctor, and I don't think I can deal with that.
  2. AAA3330

    AAA3330 Well-Known Member

    I'm sorry that you are feeling that way. I feel suicidal all of the time myself so I know that it can be hard.
  3. aviana

    aviana Member

    Sad&bipolar. Sorry you're feeling this way. I''m too feeling suicidal all the time. I can relate.
  4. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Sorry you had a bad report from your doctor, did you get a diagnosis? Keep talking to us here :)
  5. nicholas1973

    nicholas1973 New Member

    Please don't end your life. talk to those around you. There is always an answer and there will always be those that love you to help you through. my sister killed herself and I'll never have the answers to many questions. The ripple affect from someone taking their life is never ending.
  6. Sad&Bipolar

    Sad&Bipolar Active Member

    Thank you all for leaving kind comments. I hope that those who feel similar to me are getting some help. I did send an email to my Pdoc, and hope to have some response back from her on Monday. I am hoping for just a med adjustment. But if she wants me to go into the hospital, I guess I will have to. It scares me to go there because they want to do ECT, and I don't want it. In my state, they can force someone to have it again their will and without consent. I want to avoid the hospital if I can.

    About my medical diagnosis, I am very angry, and I am having a hard time letting go of that. I don't want to make a big lifestyle change.
  7. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Hi again, wow they can have you in treatment of ECT without your permission? That is insanity! I had never heard of that before. I once asked the doctor could I try ECT and he basically said not a hope of it. Most doctors I've ever been a patient of are against it. My ex boyfriend had ECT and has serious memory problems after it. That was enough to scare me away from it. As for the hospital itself, it is not so bad, there will be people like you there too and it's great to share stories with them and you can even make friends there, I did. The ECT is an issue though, explain to your doctor that you do not want it and see what they say. Surely they can recommend something else.
    Best of luck to you :hugs:
  8. DrownedFishOnFire

    DrownedFishOnFire Quieta non movere

    IDK about state of California forcing someone to go through ECT, are you on welfare or private insurance because that can make a difference

    And if she wanted you to go to the hospital she would have done it already if it was an emergency, maybe you do have hope not to have to go
  9. aviana

    aviana Member

    I m sorry to hear that. I hope you dont hv to admit to hospital and do the ect. Thats one of the reason i m reluctant to go to hospital. I hope the pdoc will agree with you to only get the meds adjusted.
  10. Sad&Bipolar

    Sad&Bipolar Active Member

    I am typing this from a hospital. When I saw my Pdoc, she decided I needed hospitalization and helped me get into a private one where there is no ER, and they do not do ECT. They provide computers for us to use and we each have a private room with a TV. I am now in a safe place, but I still feel suicidal. I don't know how long it will take for me to stabilize and stop thinking these thoughts.

    There are only a handful of other patients here, but I can't relate to any of them and feel so lonely. I isolate in my room day and night. The only time I come out is for a meal, and whenever they have a group (which isn't too often). They say that there are more groups on weekdays, so perhaps tomorrow I will get to attend more groups. I feel that group processing helps. Being by myself for so many hours is not good for me.

    I am still very angry about my medical doctor telling me I cannot have any foods with sugar and starches. There is so little for me to eat. I just don't want to live like this, to have to worry about every little thing I put in my mouth. I am still very depressed, and cried a lot yesterday. I am not sure I that my SI thoughts will be gone by the time I get discharged.
  11. Sad&Bipolar

    Sad&Bipolar Active Member

    Petal, thank you for always being so thoughtful. I really appreciate it.
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