I am tired of being let down.

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by Witty_Sarcasm, Mar 21, 2016.

  1. Witty_Sarcasm

    Witty_Sarcasm Writer, Musician, Fun Lover, Magic Maker

    One of my friends would make plans to talk on Skype, then just not show up. All of a sudden, he had to watch a tennis game on TV or something. He did this multiple times and never thought to apologize or reschedule or anything like that. Now he is blatantly ignoring me, which is kind of immature for a 47 year old man to do, but I guess that's just how he is. I have another friend, she seemed to care, but every time we make plans to Skype, suddenly she doesn't show up. She called and texted, I got on there, of course she is busy then and nowhere around. Yeah, I don't feel like waiting for hours only to end up talking to myself.

    I call people and they never answer. If they do answer, they don't say anything. People tell me they will hang out with me sometime, but months and years pass and that day never comes. I get it, I am expendable, a waste of time, and everyone is slowly leaving me. I guess I shouldn't care about having friends when they won't stick around anyhow. If I am that worthless to people, I wonder why I am still here at all. Doesn't seem like there's much point to it.
     
  2. ThePhantomLady

    ThePhantomLady Safety and Support SF Supporter

    No, hun, you're not! I'm sorry people around you aren't treating you as you deserve, but no it does not mean you are a waste of time!
    Can you see other people, people who deserve your time? I know you as a wonderful person hun!

    Is there some hobbies you have that you could share with other people and find friends that way?
     
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  3. Witty_Sarcasm

    Witty_Sarcasm Writer, Musician, Fun Lover, Magic Maker

    It seems that no matter how many friends I make, they all get fed up with me and leave in the end. Most people now pretend I don't exist. It's ok though, maybe I wasn't meant to be here in the first place. I am starting to see that I have a pointless existence and no real purpose in life.
     
  4. ThePhantomLady

    ThePhantomLady Safety and Support SF Supporter

    No hun. Really you aren't! You're a really nice person! You've just met the wrong people.

    Would it be possible to make friends with a similar obsession as you? I found some really great friends online who are obsessed with the same TV show and actor as I am... having a similar thing to obsess and talk about might help keep the conversation going?
     
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  5. Witty_Sarcasm

    Witty_Sarcasm Writer, Musician, Fun Lover, Magic Maker

    Well, I just feel like a burden to most people, a depressed sack of shit, a bundle of nerves and anxiety. No one wants to deal with that for long. I am always worried I will be left behind. I don't think that many people can be wrong about me, so it makes me wonder if I am worth the effort.
     
  6. ThePhantomLady

    ThePhantomLady Safety and Support SF Supporter

    It really is possible that they can be wrong, and they are.

    You are worth the effort hun, those people don't know what they're missing, and you deserve better friends than that *hug*
     
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  7. Witty_Sarcasm

    Witty_Sarcasm Writer, Musician, Fun Lover, Magic Maker

    Thank you, I appreciate that :) Sorry if I am being difficult in any way. Your suggestions are good ones, I'm just in a bad place right now and it's hard to get out of.
     
  8. ThePhantomLady

    ThePhantomLady Safety and Support SF Supporter

    Hey, it's completely okay, I know what that's like. Just don't give up on yourself hun *hugs*
     
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  9. Witty_Sarcasm

    Witty_Sarcasm Writer, Musician, Fun Lover, Magic Maker

    Thanks, I will try not to. Now I keep seeing these weird waving lines in front of my eyes and the screen seems blurry. I hope it is just because of stress because now I am a bit worried. I just hope I can get some sleep tonight.
     
  10. Butterfly

    Butterfly Pokémon Master Staff Alumni SF Author SF Supporter

    I don't necessarily think the problem is you Witty or that they get tired of you, it's just that quite often "real life" can often take precedent over an "online" life. People grow, people change, people get new interests, people meet other people and inevitably that means that people move on. I made a lot of online friends in my teens and we remained friends for years, and we still speak from time to time but not every day, not even every week or every month. Our lives just went in different directions which meant we no longer had time for each other any more.

    From the things that I have read in your posts and diary posts, I don't think that it is helpful that you form quite unhealthy attachments to people and you seem to form these quite quickly so you more than likely put more emphasis and meaning into the relationships more than other people do. So when things go wrong and they move on, you end up utterly devastated and continue the cycle of self-hatred, self-loathing and think you are an abhorrent person. You are not abhorrent, or useless, or horrible but I think you would be better served using all this energy into improving your real life than hiding behind an online life. Easier said than done I know. I have been there.
     
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  11. Witty_Sarcasm

    Witty_Sarcasm Writer, Musician, Fun Lover, Magic Maker

    You're right, I guess I have been hiding online for so long that I don't know how to start to improve my life. I guess I am a bit scared of failing at things, but I know that won't always happen.
     
  12. Butterfly

    Butterfly Pokémon Master Staff Alumni SF Author SF Supporter

    The chances are that you will fail sometimes. People can't have it all, all of the time. But if you start small and slow then you will gradually build yourself up so you can start living for you!!
     
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  13. Witty_Sarcasm

    Witty_Sarcasm Writer, Musician, Fun Lover, Magic Maker

    I think that starting slow will be best, but I have to start somewhere. So I just need to stop being scared and do what makes me happy. I need to leave the past behind and look forward to the future.
     
  14. Freya

    Freya Loves SF Staff Member ADMIN

    Its incredibly easy to hide online, only interacting with people on your terms and never moving out of your comfort zone and I think that it is a dangerous cycle to get into. Not just for you Witty - in general.

    I remember some time ago you were going to look for a job and applied to maybe 4 jobs as I remember - your therapist gave it to you as a goal I think? I think that at least part time work would do wonders for you - it would give you a proper schedule and a purpose and it would get you into the real world interacting with people. I applied for over 200 jobs in 2 months when I was out of work 4.5 years ago - its all a numbers game and you need to not get disheartened by it. *hugs*

    I can't even tell you how many friends I have made online (and in real life) who are no longer part of my life. Whose lives move on and the friendship just peters out. I am like you - I don't 'peter out' - it always seems to be the other person that stops calling back or stops showing up etc. That said, is it really their fault if they are moving forward with life and I am not? I think probably not.

    I think a big problem with it is (and this is probably not going to be a popular observation but here we go anyway) is that there comes a point where there is nothing left to say when your whole life is online. You get to know someone, you spend hours and hours talking about everything... and then you have talked about everything because there is nothing new to say. If all a person does every day is sit in the house and go online then there is a limit to topics for conversation. You talk about the past - you talk about feelings - you talk about likes and dislikes... but the conversation runs out of steam because there isn't anything new to talk about. So you are left with either less and less to say, or saying the same stuff over and over again. Either one of those options is not indefinitely interesting unfortunately.

    When I think of the people I talk to regularly and don't "disappear" on me - the conversations are about goals and projects and work and plans. Sure I have talked to them about my past and I talk to them about my feelings (and vice versa) and still talk about those things - just they make up maybe 10% of the conversation.

    I think you need to do things that will improve your self esteem so it doesn't matter as much what some random person you met on the internet a week ago thinks or feels about you. You need to focus on yourself - on doing things for you and caring what YOU think about you.
     
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  15. Witty_Sarcasm

    Witty_Sarcasm Writer, Musician, Fun Lover, Magic Maker

    It's always been easier for me to interact with people online. I can hide behind a screen and it's not as nerve wracking as being face to face. Maybe that's why I have been doing it all of these years, but I know that needs to change. If it doesn't, then I will just keep going down the same route until it is too late to change anything, and I don't want that to happen.

    I know I will be healthier and happier if I get out and interact more in the real world. I am shy but that's not an excuse not to talk to people. I have to learn not to take things so personally. I do get attached easily, and it can really hurt when they don't like me as much anymore. But it's not that they care less, they just want to focus on their own lives more. That is something I need to do as well. I need to stop dwelling on painful things and move forward with my life.
     
  16. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    A few things... and I'm not trying to criticize you or put you down. I want you to succeed, I want you to stay alive and start to feel better about yourself.
    There are people who care. But when those people put forth a lot of effort into showing you they care, and you then post about how nobody cares, it's tough. Because it makes the people who genuinely do care, feel completely invalid and like they don't exist or aren't important. That's a cycle you need to work on breaking.
    Like others, I've had lots of online friendships that just faded away, mainly due to things going on in real life for either myself or the other person. Some have lasted; but we don't need to talk every day or every week to continue being friends. There are people I haven't talked to in weeks or months, that I still feel a strong connection with. I can get in touch with those people and know they'll respond when they're able to; I know they care, even if they're not there all the time.
    I think it would do wonders for you to get out and ttry to find a job, or a volunteer position... something that forces you to interact with people face-to-face instead of just online. It would also help you to get away from the toxic environment of your home life, because I know that brings you down a LOT.
     
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  17. Witty_Sarcasm

    Witty_Sarcasm Writer, Musician, Fun Lover, Magic Maker

    I feel bad about doing that....sometimes when I feel depressed, I can only think the worst. It is easier to say people don't care at that point, because it would be easier to just go. But I know that there are people who truly care, and I appreciate that more than words can say. Some of the most caring and supportive people I have met are from this site, so I thank you for that. I do have people in my life who hurt me, but I need to cut them out and focus on those who really do want the best for me.

    It would be nice to find a job or just do something to get me outside for a while. I know my family fighting can really bring me down too. Everyone has posted great suggestions, now I just need to put them into action and not give up.
     
  18. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    It could be worth bookmarking this post, or writing down the suggestions and what's been written here. That way, if you have a day where you're really down and feel like nobody cares, you can remind yourself that people do. I think, if you reach out to the people who do care instead of assuming nobody does, you'll receive more support and possibly feel better.

    I really hope you can find a way to get out of the house more often. The further you are from the arguing and negativity in your house, the better.
     
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  19. Witty_Sarcasm

    Witty_Sarcasm Writer, Musician, Fun Lover, Magic Maker

    Yeah, I just need to remember that there are people who see the good in me. The ones that just want to put me down aren't worth my time and I shouldn't continue to associate with them. I guess my self-esteem is another area that needs improvement. Now that the weather is getting nicer, I am feeling better and willing to get out and do more.
     
  20. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    For what it is worth I think you are pretty damn amazing!! Them now showing up is their loss not yours. You're a lovely person and I have all the time in the world for you so you know you can always PM me if you are lonely, need to vent etc.. Big hugs!! (sorry I only saw this thread now)
     
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