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I am tired of living, and suicide is the only option now.

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by dosFREAK, Aug 10, 2010.

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  1. dosFREAK

    dosFREAK Well-Known Member

    My father is a cold humanoid robot who will never understand me, and when I tried to explain to him how I feel, he just said "Pull it together, pull it together, Pull it together, pull it together, Pull it together, pull it together, Pull it together, pull it together, Pull it together, pull it together, Pull it together, pull it together, Pull it together, pull it together, Pull it together, pull it together, Pull it together, pull it together" and "pull it together". He is a power hungry, very corrupted humanoid robot who constantly accuses me of being "selfish" when the only thing he cares about is his job, and he criticizes charities, and never donates anything to help people, and when I try to tell him simple things like allowing me to explain what I need to explain, this cold stoned, extremely apathetic, miserable, greedy humanoid robot raises his cold apathetic robotic voice higher, and higher, and throws me a cold metal punch in the end, and I help out my friends when they need it, and in the hardest of their times, I made them feel better, but this is not going
    to last... My mother is going to die, because my father will not let me call the hospital to give help to my mother who needs it, and my father always uses the excuse of "stress" and "my job", and he calls me selfish, because I don't agree with this ignorant piece of metal, and I am tired of suffering; ever since joining this site four years ago, nothing has improved, in fact matters have only worsened over the years, and as soon as my mother goes, my father will more than likely marry someone who will torture me, and I would rather to die now than to have to suffer like this any longer; I am tired of greedy, selfish republicans like him who only want to benefit himself, and use his job as an excuse for his dying wife; he can't brainwash me with his selfish republican beliefs anymore, I am tired of his absolute greed, and absolute struggle for power, and his evil will to obtain the power in any ways possible, even if it meant to humiliate me to make himself feel more powerful than he already is. I am tired of corrupted power hungry unnatural humanoid robots like him, and I am more tired of suffering than anything else, and I just want to die now; "hanging in there" is not an option now, suicide is; there is nothing left for me, I am not a power hungry person, and it seems like people like myself are not welcome, as only power hungry, and corrupted people are welcome on the surface who constantly humiliate others such as myself to obtain power, and feel okay about it, and can sleep even while knowing that they have hurt so many people, besides, humans are naturally power hungry, and the few that are not power hungry are suffering beyond belief, and I want to end my suffering, so I cannot unintentionally hurt any poor animal that lives here on Earth. I have also dreamed last night of my father brutally murdering me with a knife with blood all over the floor, and as I was dying in my dream, a yellow flash is the last thing I saw before I woke up. I want to commit suicide to end it all, only power hungry humanoid robots are allowed on Earth, and I am not one, and I need to end my suffering before I can unintentionally hurt anything.
    Last edited by a moderator: Aug 10, 2010
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    what is stopping you when yur father is gone pick up phone and call hospital forhelp for you and y o ur mother get out of the house use a pay phone to call for help for y u and your mother He won't care if he is so cold he will be happy yu andyour mom is gone phone get help for both of you so you both can start having life you both deserve
  3. dosFREAK

    dosFREAK Well-Known Member

    The problem with that is I am afraid that my father will kill me like he did in my nightmare last night; it was the bloodiest night I have ever experienced, my dream is definitely telling me that something is wrong; the fact that my father murdered me in the dream I had last night tells me to be careful; the awful thing is that if I try to get my mother the help she needs, my father will only beat me up, because his job "stresses him out"; I want to assist my mother, but I am afraid to, and the greedy evil humanoid robot that my father is, I need to be careful around him, because he packs military-sized muscles just like his pro war, power hungry republican beliefs, and he is a humanoid robot stone monster when angry, so I don't know what to do anymore; not that he truly cares about my mother, and if he truly cared, he would already send her for the help she needs, but he won't, and he has scornfully told me to not call 911, and knowing how big he is, I am just afraid to do it; one punch and I am out, that is how muscular this disgusting humanoid robot is, besides, suicide is the only way out now, there is no hope anymore.
  4. Forgotten_Man

    Forgotten_Man Well-Known Member

    I can agree with you friend, those of us who are kind and not competitive are always muscled out. I am sorry you have such a crappy father. That is all I can say as I cannot find the strength to hang on anymore either.
  5. flowingriver

    flowingriver Well-Known Member

    Michael, may I ask how old you are? You and your mother seem like prisoners. When can you legally leave home?
  6. dosFREAK

    dosFREAK Well-Known Member

    Yes, I am 18 years old, but I still haven't even graduated high school, and if I were to leave right now, I would not be able to financially make it, and the only thing I can do is to put up with this nuisance of a father until I can go to college for a while to obtain a couple of degrees, leave to Japan forever, and never come back to the USA ever again. Not even my mother would let me call the hospital, because she has been brainwashed by my father with his self-centered excuses.
  7. flowingriver

    flowingriver Well-Known Member

    It seems you will be graduating next Spring, so maybe you can start planning for college, and for a major that you can enjoy doing. I know you have dreams, so you will be able to work on them in college. That's just next year.

    Meanwhile, use this time to take care of your mother and to enjoy her presence.

    There are things in school that can be fun, and you can participate in, that can take your mind of the stresses of home.

    This is America, isn't everyone granted the right to see a doctor if they need to? I agree you have to approach this situation with caution, because your father sounds like an insensitive monster. Your mother and you maybe can talk to a pastor or get help through your church if they are sympathetic.
    Last edited by a moderator: Aug 10, 2010
  8. dosFREAK

    dosFREAK Well-Known Member

    Thank you so much for all of the support you have given me, I really appreciate it! Fortunately, I have found a way to deal with that monster's insensitivity;
    I wrote myself an 11 step guide on how to deal with him when bad situations
    are involved, and this guide I wrote involves avoiding him, and ignoring him
    as much as possible in unique ways, very carefully thought out, so I don't
    have to deal with his bitterness so often, and maybe even have a chance to
    take care of my mother that insensitive robot takes for granted. Because he
    is a humanoid robot, talking to him about fixing situations will be like talking to
    a wall, and that bitter, insensitive greedy republican monster isn't worth
    dealing with, it is a waste of my breath, and especially time; he isn't worth
    the effort; he is too stubborn and closed-minded like the humanoid robot
    he is, but don't worry about me, I figured out a creative solution, and I will
    be reading this guide over, and over to gain the tools I need to deal with
    this robot.
  9. flowingriver

    flowingriver Well-Known Member

    I wish you the best with your solutions. Avoiding him sounds good. Take care of your mother.
  10. dosFREAK

    dosFREAK Well-Known Member

    I will, and no matter how much my mother loves that insensitive monster,
    I will still take care of her, because after all, she is my mother, and she
    is kind, and that is all that matters, and I will avoid that apathetic robot
    at all costs.
  11. dosFREAK

    dosFREAK Well-Known Member

    I know this will sound crazy, but are there any argument simulator software available to practice along with my written guide? I think it would be a great help, so I can get used to listening to that cold humanoid robot humiliate
    me, and be able to listen to his code screeching self without problems.
    I know it wouldn't be the same as the real thing, but it would be good practice
    to me, so I can deal with that robot better. And if no such software exists, what other techniques could I use as practice to deal with humiliation from that robot?
  12. Blue_Sky

    Blue_Sky Well-Known Member

    I don't know if you see a therapist, but you could practice role playing with one, or a friend, or with someone who knows your situation. Maybe it was how he was raised, maybe his father was like that to him, I don't know your family at all, I'm not making excuses but just trying to shed some understanding. He sounds mentally sick and like he needs help. You are still young there's no need to resort to suicide, it sounds overwhelming but when you come out of it you will be a stronger person because of it.
  13. Lost.

    Lost. Well-Known Member

    He isn't a robot.

    Your father is driven by emotions just like everyone else. Primarily anger, fear and self-loath.

    As somebody who grew up in an overbearing household, I feel your pain and hope everything goes well.
  14. dosFREAK

    dosFREAK Well-Known Member

    Yeah, but as cold and insensitive as he is, he possibly cannot be even human,
    as insensitive as I feel some are, my father is the most insensitive I have
    ever met, and he is so insensitive that I can't even look at him as a human;
    he acts real insensitively tough all the time, and seems the same as a humanoid robot to me, and I do not see emotions, just the usual insensitive straight face
    even when I tell him how I truly feel hopelessly, can you understand that?! I understand what you are trying to say, but my father is not the kind of person I could ever see emotions in.
    And to Blue Sky, great idea, I will do that.
    Last edited by a moderator: Aug 11, 2010
  15. dosFREAK

    dosFREAK Well-Known Member

    Its fine now, found a solution, but if anything like this happens again, I will let you all know.
  16. johnnysays

    johnnysays Well-Known Member

    I think you will find as you grow that everyone is selfish. The difference is that some people have risen above the challenges and have attained a steady job in the process. We're all the same. Republican, democrat, independent, anti-war, soldier, atheist, communist, anarchist, etc. Varying amounts of knowledge, ignorance, apathy, tolerance, hate, patience, etc. Bottom line, once you find your place in life and start to rise above the challenges, you will not feel so threatened or disgusted by your father. We all do what we can.

    I hope you can survive the challenges you're facing. Life is very hard. And it may seem impossibly hard when you're seeing things from the standpoint of a son who is living with his father. That's no place to be judging the world. Not only do you probably not know too much about it, but your father has his own prejudices about you and the relationship is not good if prolonged. Find friends so you're not alone. If you end your life then you will never rise above the challenges to see what it's like on the other side.

    I know that to you it looks like life is about suffering and slavery and pain and the only way out of it is to steal and exploit to attain wealth. That may be what it looks like at home with your father when you have little confidence and experience. That's not how the world is. That's only how it looks when you have not overcome the challenges to see what's on the other side.

    You probably also have your own prejudices about your father, just like he has his about you. That's human nature.

    Have you ever played a game for the first time and everything seemed hard at first? And you got bored or discouraged? And then you came back a few days later to give it another try and something worked out? You got interested again and you started to figure some things out. Suddenly, you're enjoying the game. Well, that's like life. When we don't understand things, or make bad choices, it can look like the odds are working against us. Every wall looks high when you're not doing well or you're new. Sometimes you just have to stick around long enough or have the patience to come back and give it another shot. You have to give life a chance.

    And please don't associate his muscles with his bad behavior. Or his party. There're many supposedly good people - republicans and democrats and independents and others - that have displayed bad behavior. Bad behavior is mostly independent of things like muscles or party or nationality or etc. The reason I say this is because some people visiting this topic will have very big muscles, or some will be republicans, but they're very good natured and do not relate to your father. They don't want to be misunderstood. They want to help.

    Muscles are like guns, they're not bad unless you use incorrectly. Republicans usually stand for less taxes and freedom of the individual. Similarly, those things are not bad unless they're used incorrectly. Democrats usually stand for government (the sum of human individuals) and taxes. Again, those things are not bad unless they're used incorrectly. For the most part, people join a party because they want to focus on a particular philosophy or policy. I have no accurately covered republicans or democrats, but they each have their own set of ideals and values. Again, those ideals and values are not bad by themselves. They're only bad when we use them improperly.
    Last edited by a moderator: Aug 11, 2010
  17. dosFREAK

    dosFREAK Well-Known Member

    I found the solution to this problem, but thanks for your input, I will keep that in mind, and try to find the good in people.
  18. Paigeee

    Paigeee Member

    Find strength within yourself, for you, for your mother, for your happy life ahead, and don't give in. Don't let your father win, he does not deserve the satisfaction of seeing you destroyed, completely. I believe in you and believe you can do anything you set your mind too, remember, if you go, so will your mother, your her only hope, don't let two innocent lives leave this world. The future holds better times and smiles, remember that, and fight for yourself.
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