So hello? I have come to the understanding that I am just too much as a person. For as long as I can remember everyone that has come and gone in my life has said I don't care. So I stop caring, I stop talking. I just stop. In a way, I did prove them right. But I didn't stop feeling, everything I feel I just bottle up. And at night all those bottles up feelings come out, and I can't help but cry. I don't like crying, it always gives me a headache. I feel and I don't feel. I care but I don't care. I am confused and numb. Everything I say and do is just wrong. I am just wrong. I have been wrong for a while. But I met a person who I truly love and care about back in January, and we are moving in together in 53 days. And he opened up my feelings, and I started to tell him how I really feel. I would tell him everything, and I thought I was changing to become a better person but all I have been doing is taking steps back. But its been too much, I push my troubles on to him and that's not fair. He is doing everything for us, and I am just bringing him down with him. I want to be happy, and change for him but I don't know how to. I feel as it would be better if I wasn't here anymore, I don't want to be the reason for people's pain. I am tired, I just tired. I don't want to be this way anymore, it's too much.