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I am too much as a person, right?

#1
So hello? I have come to the understanding that I am just too much as a person. For as long as I can remember everyone that has come and gone in my life has said I don't care. So I stop caring, I stop talking. I just stop. In a way, I did prove them right. But I didn't stop feeling, everything I feel I just bottle up. And at night all those bottles up feelings come out, and I can't help but cry. I don't like crying, it always gives me a headache. I feel and I don't feel. I care but I don't care. I am confused and numb. Everything I say and do is just wrong. I am just wrong. I have been wrong for a while. But I met a person who I truly love and care about back in January, and we are moving in together in 53 days. And he opened up my feelings, and I started to tell him how I really feel. I would tell him everything, and I thought I was changing to become a better person but all I have been doing is taking steps back. But its been too much, I push my troubles on to him and that's not fair. He is doing everything for us, and I am just bringing him down with him. I want to be happy, and change for him but I don't know how to. I feel as it would be better if I wasn't here anymore, I don't want to be the reason for people's pain. I am tired, I just tired. I don't want to be this way anymore, it's too much.
 

sinking_ship

woman overboard
Forum Pro
SF Supporter
#2
It's scary to open up and feel vulnerable with a person. It's understandable to want to back away after that. But you should talk to him about it. It sounds like he loves you. I doubt he thinks you're too much. And I doubt he wants you to change for him. You can (and should) work on yourself and on being happy (*for YOU*), but you have to accept that it's not going to happen in a straight line. Life does have pain, and sharing that with someone doesn't mean you are the reason for it.
 

1964dodge

Has a frog in the family
Forum Pro
SF Supporter
#3
what @sinking_ship says is correct. if you have issues try to work on them if you can't do it by yourself seek help. but change what you can to make you happy. and try to learn to love yourself so your heart will be open to love him. and in an ideal relationship a couple will share their joy and success as well as any pain and misfortune. love together and work together. my wife and i have shared joy and pain for almost 42 years and i can tell you love shared is awesome and pain shared is lessened. i wish you all the joy in the world...mike...*hug*shake
 

MosesY

Well-Known Member
#4
Good morning @VitaminWater . It sounds like you still have a soft heart. I would caution you against hardening it. People with soft hearts feel a lot, it really makes the world a better place, but you feel pain too. This is much better than having a hard heart and not feeling joy or pain.

I would suggest trying to share joy as well as pain with your partner. Also talk to him about it as was mentioned, see if your sharing bothers your partner.

I hope that you feel better soon.
 

Walker

Admin-a-monkey
ADMIN
SF Social Media
SF Author
SF Supporter
#5
Hi there,
Has your partner told you he's feeling overwhelmed with the amount of "stuff" on him or that's just how you feel about yourself? When we feel bad we frequently feel as though we're a burden to others, you know? That may very well not be the case for him as he's interested in taking step forward with you.
 

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