I am tottaly lost...

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by Hurted, Feb 3, 2008.

  1. Hurted

    Hurted Well-Known Member

    And I mean really...
    I should learn for school, tomorow I will write very important test... but i cant learn... im too sad and i cant concetrate... I want to talk with someone... but when i pick up my phone, and go to contacts, i realize that 90% of people i have adedd actually arent my friends... I cant talk honestly with my friends cause they would accept me... Also things at home get worse from day to day... my mum is more depressed every day, and she is depressed almost 2,5 years... We dont understand good. I hurt her with my words and she hurt me with her words... i love her and she love me but it looks like we hate each other... My selfharming is gone very bad too, yesterday i cut 47 times and more deeper than ever... I dont want to go to school anymore... Why do i have to be a victim of psihycal bullying?
    I will cut myself second time today... and nothing will stop me... i want to be fucking calm even if i will have to cut all over my hands... God, how i hate my mood... This minute i have panic attack and im sad, but next minute i will be alright... and this is happen all time no mather where i am... also pain in my arms is driving me crazy, but on the other side i like it...
    I know this dont have sense at all, but im so confused and i have panic attack right now...
  2. Anime-Zodiac

    Anime-Zodiac Well-Known Member

    Take a deep breath and try to calm down.
    Have you spoken to your mother about how you feel and perhaps trying to patch things up. It would make a difference to how you feel.
  3. Hurted

    Hurted Well-Known Member

    I will try to talk with her about our relation... but i cant talk with her about other things, because she would be even more depressed...
  4. Anime-Zodiac

    Anime-Zodiac Well-Known Member

    Well you don't have to talk about everything at the first attempt. It's probably best to try to speak about some things and perhaps at a later time other things. Just go at your own pace.

    Good Luck.
  5. Hurted

    Hurted Well-Known Member

    Ps: I love your avatar:laugh:
  6. Hurted

    Hurted Well-Known Member

    How can i get rid of all this pain? nothing cant help me anymore... even cuting help for very short time... im so scared because of my self harming... last 5 days i cut myself so badly that i will soon run out of space on my hands... Does anyone have a good idea how to get pain out?
    I talk about cutting with six people in my class and around half of it knows that i cut... but even if i talk to them, it doesnt help me...
    sometimes i even dont feel urge to cutting, but i cut only because it relax me...
    However, today i couldnt take it anymore... in the middle of english lesson i ask teacher if i can go to toilet and i did 3 very deep cuts... i really dont feel well... im feeling very tired and i had headache all the time...:sad:
    God how i hate depression or whatever my mood or disorder is...
  7. butterfly12274

    butterfly12274 Well-Known Member

    I'm so sorry for you :hug: :hug:
  8. Hurted

    Hurted Well-Known Member

    thanks, if you think about me for at least 1 minute, it means lot to me...

    Ps: I like this forum, but everytime when I write something about me im scared that people would think that i am attention seeker... I wont write anymore here if most of you think that, just tell me the truth (im sorry, but there are some people who thing that i search attention in my school so now i dont know anymore if people beleive me or they dont...)
  9. SoulRiser

    SoulRiser Well-Known Member

    Is there a :hug: smiley here? It sounds like you need one :)

    Is there any way your mother would let you try some alternative to school? Being away from bullies would probably help a lot. It did for me... I felt like a worthless piece of crap until I could get away from those idiots who were dragging me down. It took a few years to recover, but I'm OK now.
  10. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    hey hun! keep posting it will do you good. Im sure all of us dont think you are an attention seeker, you're just reaching out for help! stay safe hun and take care, if you feel like talking feel free to PM me :hug: