You dont have to read this but i feel like i need someone out there just to give me some advice. At the moment in my life i feel more depressed than usual and i have thought of just ending it. I have before but in the most cowardly way by when im sleeping i position my head under the duvet so i suffocate but i either get too warm and give up or i feel like my life will get better. I am a 22 nearly 23 male iwho has never been in a relationship and never had any sexual experiences apart from a quick kiss on the lips when i was in school. I dont really think i have any friends well any sociable friends. Ever since in school i have got along with most people from in college to my work place now. Everyone says that im a funny caring person but yet know one messages me know one suggests to hang out which sometimes i dont mind but theres days when im at home and my family say things like i need to get out more instead of being stuck in my room. On facebook no one messages me just to talk and its people from school who i was really close to me and they dont invite me out to things they do whether its out partying to travelling somewhere. I know i havent seen them for long time but its like they never really liked me. I feel like people have used me all my life just to help pass there day for them because im friendly funny person. I love my family and my friends at work even though we dont hang out and some of the people i play football with they all think im a happy person yet i have been depressed for many years. I feel so much anger and hate inside that i just want to explode its like i hate the world i hate people for being happy and i hate myself for not have done anything with. The only things that i have done which is worthy of mentioning is that i passed school and i passed college and i have a job and thats it. There is no one i can talk to my family wouldnt understand the struggles i go through with my everyday life. I am trying so hard to remain positive but it feels like whats the point. I was out at a persons leaving do and we were playing drinking games and i lied about having sexual experiences when i havent even though i know and my family know that i havent. My family sometimes put me down when they say stuff like isnt time u get a girlfriend and that your younger sister is going to be in a relationship before you. I am not shy with girls but when it comes to telling them my feelings and physically flirting with them i just cant. I have had girls fancy me you can just tell but for some reason im not attracted to them the ones that i am they are already in a relationship not interested in that way or i just dont tell them. I am short average build and average looking i just keep thinking if i was taller maybe i would be better with girls. I am not a religious person but i have prayed to who ever would listen and asky for my life to better and not have so much bad luck and to ask why me why life to be so much of a struggle but there is no answer. You may have read this and think so what you have had no relationship so what you have had no expereinces in your life such as travelling seeing bands in concert or doing anything which you can be proud of you can move on. I keep talling my self that the lord has a plan. I keep telling myself to prove everyone wrong and i wont be beaten but its so hard to do this everyday. I would like to be a writer whether its a book or a script but when you have no motivation and no inspiration then its only a dream. Of all the bad experiences and all the bad luck i have had in my life i feel like my life wont turn around and that ending it would be best. I feel like that no one will miss me if i was gone and i feel like peoplea life would of been better if they hadnt of met me.