I am trying to understand...

Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by Conqueror, Sep 16, 2010.

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  1. Conqueror

    Conqueror New Member

    From time to time I have suicidal thoughts or "ideations" virtually out of the blue. Well, maybe not out of the blue...maybe it is a bit of the blues or depression and I am just in denial. Whatever the reason; obviously I have not followed through. I definitely do NOT have a plan.

    Once in awhile, it is a real battle, though. Hense, my user name.

    My sister recently had a double mastectomy and horrible rounds of chemo and radiation that made her very sick. She fought so hard, and beat it!

    Then she had a falling out with her daughters and told me she thought of taking all of the many pills that have been prescribed for her. After enduring so much...

    I try to understand--Why DO some people fight so hard to live and others commit suicide, or battle the idea of suicide. Some studies show that suicide or suicidal thoughts may be a symptom of a biological illness.

    What technique do use to control sudden death impulses?

    Sometimes I tell myself, silly stuff. Like, I wouldn't want anyone talking bad about me and my things are in a very disorganized mess right now. Sooo, I better organize. By the time I organize, the thought-impulse has vanished.

    Or, I think of the financial mess I would leave for my family. I better get that in control, especially since it is possible that my life insurance would not pay off.

    I guess what I am saying is that distraction obviously works for me.
  2. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    I'm glad to hear you're doing ok. Posts like yours are quite rare around here. And thanks for sharing from your experience. When you're sister feels like she did, maybe you could share the same info with her?

    For some, suicidal thoughts are stronger than others can realize or understand. For me they are almost a 24/7 deal. And throw in bipolar and it's a free-for-all!!! Things that work at one time dont or wont necessarily work the next. I've made many attemtps, a few very near fatal, others miserable failures. And I know I will again. I am one of those people that try very hard to fight the thoughts and urges and yet I also end up attempting. It's not easy living this life especially when I have kids that I love to pieces and hate to think of what me and my mental and physical illnesses must be doing to them. Yet even though I feel so strongly for them, they can become the very reason I rationalize attempting, believing it would be better for them without my baggage to carry around.

    Depression, mental illnesses and suicidal feelings affect everyone so differently yet leave the same result.... hurt for everyone involved. I hope you keep feeling strong and thoughts of suicide free. Keep posting. On the days you can like this post, to help others with your positive advice. And on the days you cant, then post looking for some support back. :arms:
  3. Viro

    Viro Well-Known Member

    I think that there are some people that naturally hold onto life as hard as they can, even though it is miserable, brutal and short. Just as there are those among the happy that don't really care what happens to them, having faith that they can survive it.
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