I've been wandering this site for a few days, too scared to post for fear of no one reading, but I just realized it doesn't matter anymore. Where do I begin? I'll make this short and to the point. All my life, my father has abused me. Psychologically, physically, emotionally, verbally, you name it. His intentions are well meaning, but his methods are harsh and I've been so alone in coping with the repercussions of feelins unloved. My friends have a pattern of dropping me. In 10th grade I lost my best friend in the whole world. She just stopped talking to me and after a short period, once I worked up the courage to reason with her, she basically told me I was a piece of shit. Recently, the new best friend I made, in the years following the initial dumping, has stopped talking to me. I call and she screens. When she does pick up she sounds...tired...and ultimately gives me the impression that she does not want to talk to me anymore. For some reason this hurts worse than the first... In 10th grade, the same year I felt I lost everything, my best male friend asked me out and we were together for almost three years. He was "Master" and I was "pet". After attempting to rape me, he moved away and in spite of all that he's done to me I miss him terribly. The boyfriend I made in 12th grade reminded me of "Master" in a way, but as it turns out he was rebounding...and the whiplash has finally hit me. We've broken up as well. This summer, before I go to college in the fall I am not allowed out for any reason. I'm trying to find a job to get out of this atmosphere of contempt towards me, but it's like stepping off the stovetop into the boiling pot of water. Ultimately, everything has built up to me just..not wanting to live anymore. I feel so alone, and people have been supporting and caring for me, but my self esteem is so ravaged that it feels hopeless I'll ever recover. I don't need advice, or even sympathy. We're all here for one reason or another. I just thought it was about time I posted something. Thank you for your time. You all have my condolances.