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I am ugly

cots

Well-Known Member
#1
I have been struggling with my appearance since childhood.

I was born with large protruding ears and a big nose.

My eyes are asymmetrical and my teeth are crooked.

I never got braces because I have weak teeth.

You can say I look somewhat like Quasimodo and the golem. Yes, I hunch.

And yes, I am a woman. Repulsive, I know.

I can't afford plastic surgery and I don't know how to continue living like this. I can't stand the thing I see in the mirror. I don't think people can stand the sight of me too. Yes, I have had people asking why i look a certain way before. It's tough, and even after 30+ years I never got used to the criticisms. Can't wait to die.
 

Walker

Admin
SF Social Media
SF Author
SF Supporter
#3
Hi there
That's a really bad feeling to have about yourself. I think most people feel about about a few things about themselves. Some things we can change and others we can't. A lot of attraction is confidence though, no doubt. People are more than willing to overlook asymmetry or crooked teeth. Others even find such things endearing in their partners. It's hard to see that for yourself, though, when you've been battling it for many years. I hope you can find a way to come to terms with these traits. Have you sought any professional help?
 

Tor

SF Supporter
#4
Hey cots, I’m deeply sorry that you feel this way, and have for so long. Western societies have long held misplaced ideas of beauty, especially for women. Physical attraction is only one aspect of beauty. You are beautiful on the inside, and I think that can be worth a lot. There are people out there that can, and will appreciate you for who you are. I appreciate you *sadhug
Maybe it could help to find things you do like about your physical self and focus on those
 

cots

Well-Known Member
#5
Thanks for replying.

I did go to therapy but all it did was suppress the pain. I think I'll never get over the hurt I feel. Best I can do is to suppress it.

It doesn't help when everyone agrees that I'm ugly. Even the so called "loved ones". In fact, they started it. People only get close to me to make a fool of me.
 

anona123

Well-Known Member
#6
I'm so sorry you feel this way. Have you talked with dentist about other methods to help with teeth? There are other things than braces.
I walk with hunch too. Had been making progress on it but not good lately. Maybe we can both commit to improvement.
 

cots

Well-Known Member
#7
Hi anona.

Yes, I'll probably ask the dentist if there are alternatives.

I bought a back strap/brace but it was the wrong size so I might have to get another one when my next paycheck comes in. Doesn't come along cheap. Are you currently using any method to help you walk straighter? Do share!
 

anona123

Well-Known Member
#8
No, actually that's a good idea I should get a brace. My biggest issue is I default to putting my head down. Always have. Did you just buy the brace or did Dr recommend? Sucks about the size hopefully you can return it.
 

Lady Wolfshead

Freethinker at large
#10
Cots, I feel your pain, more than you can know. My biggest issue is my skin. I have permanent redness from rosacea, and generally I have about 40 red bumps, broken capillaries and ugly dark marks on my skin -- a dozen of them are permanent. And I take excellent care of my skin.

Some of my issues can be covered with makeup (which does not make me break out). I am fortunate in that regard. But skin is not my only issue.

I am planning to see a dermatologist in 2022 and hopefully deal with the marks on my face, a few of which are probably pre-cancerous. Also in the future I'm hoping to get treatment for the broken capillaries and other issues.

I hope you find solutions for some of your issues. They are real and people most definitely do judge us for them, even though they are not our fault. I am happily married so at least I have that, but I still face real hurdles at work and elsewhere due to the way i look. I'm now overweight which makes my issues worse. Write me anytime if you want to talk. *hug
 

cots

Well-Known Member
#11
@anona123 Yes! I put my head down a lot too due to low self esteem and wanting to be shorter (I am rather tall for an Asian). I bought the brace at a shop. It's Japanese so I cannot make out what the brand is.

@Lady Wolfshead Thank you for sharing your writing (very moving!) and your experience. I have acne and it's another blow to my self-esteem. I have eczema too - a lot of makeup brands don't work for me. I usually go for the "Clean" options at Sephora. While they don't provide as much coverage as I'd like, they're the only ones that don't break me out as much.

It's even harder to hear it from children, actually. I have had children asking me about my appearance and it stings. I could excuse adults for their harshness as "just being mean" but children are famed for being honest and that makes their words even harder to swallow.
 

Lady Wolfshead

Freethinker at large
#12
@anona123 Yes! I put my head down a lot too due to low self esteem and wanting to be shorter (I am rather tall for an Asian). I bought the brace at a shop. It's Japanese so I cannot make out what the brand is.

@Lady Wolfshead Thank you for sharing your writing (very moving!) and your experience. I have acne and it's another blow to my self-esteem. I have eczema too - a lot of makeup brands don't work for me. I usually go for the "Clean" options at Sephora. While they don't provide as much coverage as I'd like, they're the only ones that don't break me out as much.

It's even harder to hear it from children, actually. I have had children asking me about my appearance and it stings. I could excuse adults for their harshness as "just being mean" but children are famed for being honest and that makes their words even harder to swallow.
I was going to write another response here but I will just PM you instead. Thank you for your comment about my writing - it was an angry piece but I feel that others who have been judged for their appearance will understand.

I can't PM you so I will just make my own profile public and you can PM me if you like *console
 

cots

Well-Known Member
#15
Thank you @Pebble mouse for the kind words. My facial asymmetry is very hard to look at, but I will try being kinder to myself and hopefully, there will one day be no need for ugly people like me to take a passport photo because any photo-taking "opportunity" is a setback.
 
#16
A post I can relate to believe me. As an ugly man I am pretty much irrelevant in this world. Unfortunately we got hit with misfortune from birth we can't help how we look but the world doesn't care. At the end of the day all we can do is play the hand we are dealt. Play your hand as well as you can and who knows may be one day you hit jackpot. All the best.
 

seabird

meandering towards home
SF Supporter
#17
I wish all societies would change and stop the appearance based valies. It’s really terrible, one of humanity’s worst traits.

I hope you feel better, find acceptance and to come to sf anytime you need a friend.
 

Lady Wolfshead

Freethinker at large
#18
I wish all societies would change and stop the appearance based valies. It’s really terrible, one of humanity’s worst traits.

I hope you feel better, find acceptance and to come to sf anytime you need a friend.
The ultimate cruelty is that is an inherent biological drive towards good looking people - clear skin, symetrical features, clean bone structure. Not just part of the sex drive. But yes - society and pop culture nurtures and promotes cruelty towards those who don't fit in.
 

Harrow

Well-Known Member
#19
You are beautiful because you are you, screw everyone else that is my opinion.
Who we are is more important than any perceived idea of what we think we look like.
*hug
 

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