I am useless

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Ferg, Nov 6, 2014.

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  1. Ferg

    Ferg Member

    I don't understand how I've become this useless. I can never do anything right.

    Today I had to dish up the biggest lie I've ever had to tell, and I feel so utterly bad about it. It was too my mum.

    I had to lie, my parents would have killed me had I told the truth, it wasn't about drugs or anything of the usual stuff you have to lie about, just getting the dates wrong, forgetting something important. But I had to lie.

    I feel so bad, the guilt is killing me. I ruined an oppertunity. And now I have to keep up this lie, I don't know if I can do it.

    If I had a <mod edit: methods>, I would have killed myself now. I am sick of being this useless, I am sick of having to lie to those close to me. I am hiding my depression from everyone, no one knows. I need help, but I can't find it anywhere. I'm trying to be strong. It's about to run over.

    If they find out I lied, they'll never forgive me, I don't know if I can forgive myself either. I'd have to move somewhere else, start another life, alone. I'll never be able to do that.

    I just want to die, but I don't know how to.
    Last edited by a moderator: Nov 6, 2014
  2. Perfect Melancholy

    Perfect Melancholy SF Friend

    Hi I'm sorry you are struggling at the moment I kmow lying isn't nice and it proves that there is good I'm you the guilt you feel but that isn't going to help being so hard on yourself. Sometimes we lie to protect others, or to not hurt them. So please just take a step back and a deep breathe, will this lie be remembered in five years? Probably not, but if you took your own life then your family and friends would live with that forever.

    Take care of yourself please

  3. Clemens

    Clemens Member

    Take a look at your past. Im sure you can find a time that you did something and you felt like it was the end of the world at the time but now- you can look back at it and see that its not a big deal. That should shed some light on your current situation. The pressure you are putting yourself under is crushing you but the ultimate issue is not as life ending as you see it. Cut yourself some slack and accept that you are only human. You make mistakes and fall down sometimes but thats ok. We all do. You can get through this and find a better life.

    The best advice I have ever herd is "Take what you want and pay for it". You dont have to feel bad for the decisions you make. From what you have said I feel like you are bending over backwards to appear to be what your parents want. You dont need to apologize for the person you are or pretend to be someone else to 'deserve their love'. If they can not accept you for who you are they are not worth protecting, especially at your own expense. You just need a change of perspective. Step back and rationalize your situation.
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