People say they can see themselves gettin married,buying a house etc. Not me. I never have been able to "picture" my future. I have sought the proper help and have delt with many of my issues. That's good and I know its good but I feel like now that I have been ble to focus on the world the more it makes NOT want to be here. Is this why I can never "see" my future?? At first I though maybe I had a learning disability and just couldn't picture things in my mind. I don't have any develope mental problems and besides I'm not a half bad artist and have no problems seeing when I draw. Point is I'm worried at my lack of "seeing" any future for myself. I feel like I have talked my spouse's head off(he is very supportive and has been with me through thick and thin) but I guess trying a new place to talk can't hurt. I don't have support from my sibling(we share very different views) and as for parents, my issues all stem from them and their addictions have them believing there are no issues and they were great to me. I'm so mad at them for having the luxury of denial and addiction to keep the truth hidden but I live with it everyday and like other victims of child abuse grew up,and still as an adult, feel guilt for their actions. I can not talk with them as several attempts to get them to join me in one of my therapy meetings proved fruitless and as I mentioned earlier they don't think there is a problem. I know I am strong and have overcome a lot but its like I don't feel like dying, I don't feel like living. I have felt this way,and known it wasn't a healthy way to feel since the age of 8. I'm 30 in 9 days and I just don't see any reason to go on another twenty years feeling. like this. My spouse would be the only one who would notice and we can't even( and most like never will be able to) have a house,a real wedding or kids. It's like all the things we live for I already know I will never have so why live a pointless life?.