So I have lost the will to care anymore, what is the point in worrying about myself when all I do is hurt others by hurting myself because I can't do a single adult like thing anymore. It took me nearly a month to be able to shower for no known reason, I have lost three jobs in the last month I can barely keep myself alive right now. I know that there is probably some positive in the last 8 months that I am not seeing other than my sobriety, but honestly that is starting to feel more like a burden than anything at this point in time, at least when I was drinking I could feel good about myself for a few hours instead of this constant self hatred and blaming everything on myself. I look back at my past and see pain and suffering that I caused even in the situations where I was attacked by others I look on that and want to apologize to them for angering them in such a way that they had to resort to that behavior, I know its my fault somehow, everything was and still is. I can't keep a job I can't even live in the same house as my wife and children because I can't be trusted. I am just rambling and running in circles now so I will just sit down and shut up now. I am sorry for being so negative, ranting and being over apologetic.