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I apologize in advance

whytryanymore

Well-Known Member
#1
So I have lost the will to care anymore, what is the point in worrying about myself when all I do is hurt others by hurting myself because I can't do a single adult like thing anymore. It took me nearly a month to be able to shower for no known reason, I have lost three jobs in the last month I can barely keep myself alive right now. I know that there is probably some positive in the last 8 months that I am not seeing other than my sobriety, but honestly that is starting to feel more like a burden than anything at this point in time, at least when I was drinking I could feel good about myself for a few hours instead of this constant self hatred and blaming everything on myself. I look back at my past and see pain and suffering that I caused even in the situations where I was attacked by others I look on that and want to apologize to them for angering them in such a way that they had to resort to that behavior, I know its my fault somehow, everything was and still is. I can't keep a job I can't even live in the same house as my wife and children because I can't be trusted. I am just rambling and running in circles now so I will just sit down and shut up now. I am sorry for being so negative, ranting and being over apologetic.
 
#2
I look back at my past and see pain and suffering that I caused even in the situations where I was attacked by others I look on that and want to apologize to them for angering them in such a way that they had to resort to that behavior, I know its my fault somehow, everything was and still is
This isn't true. If someone attacks you, you didn't cause them to resort to that behavior. There, are, unfortunately, people who will automatically prey on others if they see they have an opportunity to do it.
I can't keep a job I can't even live in the same house as my wife and children because I can't be trusted
Why do you feel like you can't be trusted?
I am sorry for being so negative, ranting and being over apologetic.
It's ok. You didn't do anything wrong. There's nothing to be sorry about.
I have lost three jobs in the last month
Well, at least you've been trying. Do you want suggestions about finding and keeping work?

Wishing you good things.
 
#6
Having a problem with alcohol doesn't mean that suicide is the way out. It also sounds like you're not giving yourself the credit for your sobriety that you deserve.

Would family therapy be an option? Maybe in time your family could become more confident that you will be sober, and you can make a plan to move back in eventually.
There's resources, like vocational assistance for people with disabilities, that might be able to help you find a job that's a good match. If you get a little help, that could go a long way.
 

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