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I apologize to all of you

#1
In one of my last rants I said there was no one here like me. We are all struggling and I do not want to make light of anyone’s battle. I am amazed when I read of those of you who have been battling this for decades. You are warriors...I have been at this only 3 years and I am ready to give up most of the time but I keep going. I am looking for the magic pill that does not exist but if only something would at least help. As I am sure many of you know, it is so tough to not want to die...yet not want to exist like this. The devastating effects of my demise would be horrific. I need to find a solution. Hugs to all.
 

MisterBGone

Well-Known Member
#4
In one of my last rants I said there was no one here like me. We are all struggling and I do not want to make light of anyone’s battle. I am amazed when I read of those of you who have been battling this for decades. You are warriors...I have been at this only 3 years and I am ready to give up most of the time but I keep going. I am looking for the magic pill that does not exist but if only something would at least help. As I am sure many of you know, it is so tough to not want to die...yet not want to exist like this. The devastating effects of my demise would be horrific. I need to find a solution. Hugs to all.
Not to worry! ;) we all get a little carried away at times—& I’m not even certain that this wold qualify as such, or that! Ha... : ) it doesn’t matter how long you’ve been battling through it, either— it is grueling either way (or) no matter what. . . & I have found, or think - that for many; or indeed some, in the beginning is the worst which is perhaps why so few, or so many can make the mistake of hitting the eject button before they get the chance to get a grasp on how to live (&/or function) with it... “the depression,” etc. :^) take care & be well!
 

ib4uib

Well-Known Member
#6
In one of my last rants I said there was no one here like me. We are all struggling and I do not want to make light of anyone’s battle. I am amazed when I read of those of you who have been battling this for decades. You are warriors...I have been at this only 3 years and I am ready to give up most of the time but I keep going. I am looking for the magic pill that does not exist but if only something would at least help. As I am sure many of you know, it is so tough to not want to die...yet not want to exist like this. The devastating effects of my demise would be horrific. I need to find a solution. Hugs to all.
It's a process. I was at the bottom of the same pit for 10 years. Then tried to end it all which seriously should not of gone wrong and I shouldn't be typing this now.
Yet within those 10 years of total negativity I leant to see differently, the years of laying in bed, the years of taking sleeping tablets, the years of drinking the years of just wanting to die.
It wasn't a waste of time, because all of time is a waste whatever you do. In the end we are all going to end up in the same place, not alive anymore and for zombie type people who go about their lives washing the car on a Saturday, cutting the lawn on a Sunday well for them death seems all quite frightening.
But we've all been not alive before, so it's not something to fear really. Being alive is something to fear, right?

No magic pill or magic words are going to change anything, you have the choice to either go through life trying to find something you enjoy, or going on through life like this. Their are no other options, that's it, thinking about death is not a third option as it will come anyway one day, for example, 'doctors don't save lives they prolong peoples lives!'
It all starts to change when you start challenging yourself, recognising the internal voice feeding you fear and instability and keeping you in the familiar ground that you've become accustomed to now .
Stepping out of that ground means doing things you have never done for the past 5 years. This could be as simple as going for a walk through the park daily, or just start fiddling around in the garden growing stuff. Expecting a magical change by keep doing what you have done for the past 5 years isn't going to work (been there, tried that). Yes it takes effort, and Yes it's not easy, but to get a different result from what you have been already getting for 5 years now will TAKE a different approach.

I wish you well and take care
 

Waves

Well-Known Member
#7
It's a process. I was at the bottom of the same pit for 10 years. Then tried to end it all which seriously should not of gone wrong and I shouldn't be typing this now.
Yet within those 10 years of total negativity I leant to see differently, the years of laying in bed, the years of taking sleeping tablets, the years of drinking the years of just wanting to die.
It wasn't a waste of time, because all of time is a waste whatever you do. In the end we are all going to end up in the same place, not alive anymore and for zombie type people who go about their lives washing the car on a Saturday, cutting the lawn on a Sunday well for them death seems all quite frightening.
But we've all been not alive before, so it's not something to fear really. Being alive is something to fear, right?

No magic pill or magic words are going to change anything, you have the choice to either go through life trying to find something you enjoy, or going on through life like this. Their are no other options, that's it, thinking about death is not a third option as it will come anyway one day, for example, 'doctors don't save lives they prolong peoples lives!'
It all starts to change when you start challenging yourself, recognising the internal voice feeding you fear and instability and keeping you in the familiar ground that you've become accustomed to now .
Stepping out of that ground means doing things you have never done for the past 5 years. This could be as simple as going for a walk through the park daily, or just start fiddling around in the garden growing stuff. Expecting a magical change by keep doing what you have done for the past 5 years isn't going to work (been there, tried that). Yes it takes effort, and Yes it's not easy, but to get a different result from what you have been already getting for 5 years now will TAKE a different approach.

I wish you well and take care

Yes only I can help myself. So I tried medication, tried community groups, meetups, meditation, yoga class, chatroom, five churches, animal shelter, help the underprivileged, helped the homeless, prayed, did not pray, therapy twice a week, everything suggested. And in the end ta da I was conned, bullied, assaulted, ghosted, and neurological problem from ssri I just want to say that helping yourself does not Necessarily work probably because I live in a brutal competitive environment and cannot be compared to every place. There is more to making it than just helping yourself. Just would like recognition of that fact. Thank you
 

ib4uib

Well-Known Member
#8
Yes only I can help myself. So I tried medication, tried community groups, meetups, meditation, yoga class, chatroom, five churches, animal shelter, help the underprivileged, helped the homeless, prayed, did not pray, therapy twice a week, everything suggested. And in the end ta da I was conned, bullied, assaulted, ghosted, and neurological problem from ssri I just want to say that helping yourself does not Necessarily work probably because I live in a brutal competitive environment and cannot be compared to every place. There is more to making it than just helping yourself. Just would like recognition of that fact. Thank you
That response wasn't to you!

Thank you
 

neutralbuoyancy

stuck in place yet again
#9
like what ib4uib said death is not something to fear and believe what we truly fear is going through the pain we are going through or fearing pain we might have to go through in the future. im sorry to really repeat what others keep saying but a distraction might be a good thing i wanted to ask are you feeling suicidal due to a certain reason or is it just like a feeling that has been bothering you for years?
 

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