I am such an idiot. I hate myself. I'm ridiculous. I'm ridiculous. I'm ridiculous. I can't fix myself. I can't deal with it. I can't do it. I'm supposed to be the optimistic one in the equation. In what equation? In any equation. I'm the optimist, the rational one, the down-to-earth advice guru. But I can't do it. Everything I've ever told anyone is a lie. Don't listen to me. I'll screw you up. I'll screw you up. Everything I touch turns to broken glass so quickly. Things that used to be so expensive. People that used to be... so expensive... Please forgive me and let me alone. I just want some fucking solitude! I'm so afraid. I'm afraid. And I thought I wasn't afraid of much of anything. I don't want to be in anyone's way! I'm sicker than I've ever been, and there is no remedy short of cutting off the life-support. No type of medication can even work on my sorry ass. No type has! No type will! It always comes back! Karma is fucking out to get me. I'm so, so, so sorry for whatever it is. I can't even remember what it is. Who is it that's throwing all this shit at me? One by one by one. It's always something, isn't it? If it's not one thing, it's another. I can't even talk to anyone. When the fuck is tomorrow? When the fuck is eventually? Where is somewhere? How is somehow? What is with all this shitty vagueness? Life used to be wonderful. Beautiful. It is. When I'm lying in the rain near-to-dead it is. But I'm living in hell. I'm ridiculous. I'm ridiculous. I'm ridiculous. Let go of me. :cry: I apologize for myself. That's all I ever want to say from now on. Because that's all I know. That's all that's undeniably true these days. I am, with all that I have, so SORRY for existing. I am SO SORRY. I am SO sorry that it hurts my stomach. I am so sorry... Please don't tell me not to be. I can't not be. I can't. Not. Be. Please.