I Attempted Two Nights Ago

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Doodle, Oct 22, 2013.

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  1. Doodle

    Doodle Well-Known Member

    I did, and if it weren't for my friends calling the ambulance, I may not be here today. Or I may be. I have no idea if it would've worked or not. But I actually tried to kill myself this time. I actually went ahead and did it. I never thought I would, but I did. I'm sure if I'm relieved it worked or not. Should I be glad I'm alive? I don't feel any relief. I don't really feel any disappointment, either. It's just like...I've just been released from the hospital, aaaand life goes on. Tomorrow I take tests, do homework, eat lunch, play video games. All that's missing is a day in my mind. Monday was almost completely a blank. My hospital report said that I swore and tried to physically attack the police and paramedics, but I don't remember any of it. I just remember waking up in a dark room last night on a mattress on the floor. I still hate the psych ward as much as I did last year. But they let me out early because I convinced them it was an accident. No way was I staying there any longer. I told my friends the truth, though. Doesn't matter if they know or not, they won't be able to stop me if I try again. I told my counselor that before. I'll just need a better plan next time.
    Ha, look at me, still being depressing. I've learned nothing from this. Oh, well.
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    all i can say is thank goodness for your friend then I hope you hold onto that friend when you feel so low and call for help before you harm yourself ok if you get help before hand perhaps you would not have to end up in hospital again
  3. the black raven

    the black raven Well-Known Member

    I understand that feeling. I've been there before. But you should be glad that you are alive. You know, you may not experience it now, but life is all about up and down. It won't be forever low. At some point it will go up. Maybe not soon, but it will happen. I did attarcked the paramedics too, but it was because I'm in panic, I don't remember much about it too. Well, they got me tied, and I broke the rope 3x. So, I do understand how you feel. I'm sorry you feel this way. But I'm glad you are alive. I'm glad you have those friends who saved you. They're a good friend. I hope you will be okay, don't do anything reckless again. We are here when you need us. Please stay safe.
  4. Blacky

    Blacky Well-Known Member

    Hey, I kinda know this situatuion, because my friend called the ambulance, too.
    And I know what you mean with the plan thingi and life goes on. I felt the same, I wasn't happy that
    it didn't work at this moment, but later I felt really bad.
    I see the face of that friend, that sad and horrified face, everytime I see her or think of her.
    And I feel bad, because of that.
    I don't think you can say you learned nothing out of it, that are you feelings and you can't just say...
    hey, I tried and now I am happy, it needs time.
    And we are here for you, no matter what, we stick together.
    And I am glad that you are alive and here on that forum and say how you feel.
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