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I barely exist

Jade24

Well-Known Member
#1
I've spent about three years total inside now. I feel like I get stupider ever year, more hopeless, more helpless. I still have no friends. I live with my boyfriend but I feel so alone. I think I really am broken now. Beyond repair. I want to feel like a person again. I want to feel loved and seen. It's been so long since I've felt that. I feel doomed now instead. Doomed to be alone. No one will stay in my life. I don't want this life but I'm stuck here. Not enough money to move away on my own. Not stable enough to live on my own anyways... I don't know what to do. I just know I want things to change. I want to be someone again.
 

Jade24

Well-Known Member
#4
my boyfriend is so amazingly wonderful to me but for some reason i just don't feel loved. i feel empty. i feel like he doesn't fill the emptiness in my heart at all. and that just makes me feel like a bad person. and the few times i get out and talk to people i know i'm quickly forgotten about.
 

Dots

Misknown Member
#5
my boyfriend is so amazingly wonderful to me but for some reason i just don't feel loved. i feel empty. i feel like he doesn't fill the emptiness in my heart at all. and that just makes me feel like a bad person. and the few times i get out and talk to people i know i'm quickly forgotten about.
I've experienced this before... for me I think it's a layers of issues... no one fulfills the void in my heart because the void is the love I should feel for myself that is missing. Also, when I'm down I seek support and comfort and not attributes that fulfill all the qualities I'm looking for. And the most problematic one for myself... is I seek validation from those that are bad for me, so those who are good for me don't cut it.
But please know you're not a bad person for this. You're struggling and vulnerable..
 

Jade24

Well-Known Member
#6
Thank you, do you have any advice for me as to what I should do? I feel very lost and unsure, but I want to do whatever is best
 

Dots

Misknown Member
#7
Thank you, do you have any advice for me as to what I should do? I feel very lost and unsure, but I want to do whatever is best
Honestly.. I think it's very isolating for someone to be codependent or at least reliant on only one other person for interaction. I think you should start experimenting.... getting out there and seeing what brings you happiness, what sparks your creativity and intellect. If you have a hard time leaving the house, then it could be a possibility to join something online. I am unsure if I am allowed to state other sites on here, but MeetUp is great for things like that (if in your country).

This isn't to say that you shouldn't have your boyfriend, only that you should be able to do other things, otherwise you start to feel unfulfilled because no one person can fulfill all your needs.

You should also probably give it some thought as to how you feel about your boyfriend. Do you love him? Im not saying you should break up or not break up. I'm just saying I think you should consider your relationship.
 

Lara_C

Staff Alumni
SF Supporter
#8
my boyfriend is so amazingly wonderful to me but for some reason i just don't feel loved. i feel empty. i feel like he doesn't fill the emptiness in my heart at all. and that just makes me feel like a bad person. and the few times i get out and talk to people i know i'm quickly forgotten about.
There is a lot missing from your life which you need to feel happy and fufilled. No single person can fill that void. If you knew you couldn't fail, what kind of life would you choose/ create? What would you do or be?
 

Jade24

Well-Known Member
#10
There is a lot missing from your life which you need to feel happy and fufilled. No single person can fill that void. If you knew you couldn't fail, what kind of life would you choose/ create? What would you do or be?
I’d have a life filled with people that care about me. I’d have family and friends that I knew would last. I’d be productive and constantly trying to improve myself. And I’d live in an environment where all of that was possible.
It’s like the opposite of my current life
 

Jade24

Well-Known Member
#11
When was the last time you felt like a person? What did that time look like for you?
Maybe When I was 15, I got away from my abuser and started to go out and be a normal teen for the first time. I made friends I thought would last forever. I made my own little family. And quickly developed a lot of my personality and social skills. I felt more whole, and loved. It was nice to have a family for the first time in my life.
 

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