I beat myself

Discussion in 'Self Harm & Substance Abuse' started by Samsara, Nov 11, 2009.

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  1. Samsara

    Samsara Well-Known Member

    I use my fists. I've done it almost to the point of loosening teeth. The worst thing is the spontaneous nature of it. When I punch myself, it's almost like a sneeze. It just happens. It's distressing, and as soon as I start it can be hard to stop, since the rage builds and builds. I'd punch walls or something, but I'm more afraid of damaging my property than my body. Sometimes I cut, too, but only if I find the time :s.

    I'm very upset about it. I'm seventeen, and when I come home from college, my mom nags the shit out of me and refuses to appologize for anything. The only reason she talks to me is to get me to do things or to talk about school. I get angry at everything, I become dissatisfied with myself, and go to my room and start knocking myself around until I'm satisfied. Sometimes it takes a while. Afterwards, I feel so ashamed, so lonely, so disgusted with myself. Sometimes that prompts another beating session. I'm afraid to take mental-health days because my mom would accuse me of slacking, and then I may just stay home and brood and beat myself.

    Honestly, I just got done beating myself. My face is still throbbing. I feel so sick.
  2. NoGood

    NoGood Well-Known Member

    I can sympathise.

    I have a big ugly scare on my right hand from when i was sooooooo enraged that i punched through my bedroom double glazed window, but it wasnt spur of the moment well it kinda was but i took a few practice punchs before i actually went through it.

    I also have a hole in my bedroom wall from when i punched it after having an arguement with my mum.

    This was about 8 yrs ago though and my temper has long gone. I still get angry and feel like grrrrrrrrrrrr, i wanna hit something but i never do and then it fizzles away after a while.

    My advise would be to hang in there, you relationship with your mother is at that stage where you both get on each others nerves, i was the same and now i absolutely adore my mum and think she is the best in the world.

    Its good that you are cknowledging your self harm, dont let it escalate. I breifly use stuff to hurt myself with, but i think i was crying out for someone to notice and help me.

    Just wanna let you know that i can relate, please dont give yourself the scars that i have.

  3. Samsara

    Samsara Well-Known Member

    Well, at least I know that I'm not the only one that hits myself lol. That may have been sneered at in the "self-harm community."

    Yeah, I've caused damage too. I knew not to go full on, cuz then I would be really screwd, but there is still a chunk of drywall missing lol.

    Does it really fizzle away? I feel like I HAVE to hit myself, or else...I dunno, I might poke out an eye with a steak knife or something.
  4. NoGood

    NoGood Well-Known Member

    Well im not talking to at a granny age, im only 23, but i think it firzzles away. sometimes people annoy me soooooo much and i get soooooooo angry that i just wanna punch the marble counter but i dont and then i calm down. Try to distract your mind with something else, have a drink of water, go for a walk - just something to occupy your mind away from what it is that flipped you in the first place.

    Hunni, i have a picture hanging over the fist shape hole in my bedroom haha, although i think we fixed it a while ago haha. When your a teen (and im not talking to you like im old and wise and all that BS) but when your a teen you have so much shit going on that it builds up and sometimes you erupt. In a few yrs if your like me, your relationship with your mum with improve, are you going to go to college or anything that you will be living away from home?? I went to college and thats when it really hit me, when we wernt in each others faces all the time.

    Does any of this help?

    Just know that your not alone.
  5. suzie_m

    suzie_m Member

    This is very true. I can relate very much to this situation. Kate, I am 23 too and at the same stage where my anger and relationship woes with my mum have settled greatly.
    It certainly helps to go through the change of moving out of home, getting into a different environment of college or work. From my mothers perspective, I probably became a much more agreeable person when I came out of adolescence and I certainly felt much gratitude for having my mum the way she is:)
  6. kiki_khaos

    kiki_khaos Member

    Just hang in there. Its tough, I know, but your not alone.

    And just think, next year or the year after (depending on what grade your in), you get to leave for college and get away from your mom (if that's what you want)

    I used to be like this with my mom. She would badger me to the point that I'd be doing what you are doing, but as soon as college came and I moved it was like this heavy weight had been lifted off my shoulders and I could just breath. Doesn't mean to say I don't get pissed off or whatnot, but it did help to have that separation from my mom.

    I think it'll be the same for you too(not saying I know you like that or anything) and I think it'll eventually just kinda "fizzle" away. Haha

    I hope this helps
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