I bought a gun

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by Neal Perry, Jun 6, 2009.

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  1. Neal Perry

    Neal Perry Account Closed

    My last suicide attempt was 12 years ago. My friends found me just in time. They got me to a good Dr. It took 2 years to get my life on track. Once again I've destroyed my life. It's a compulsion. I have to self-destruct. I've had it good for 10 years and now poof. I got fired, I am losing my house. I just know that even if this moment passes there WILL be another. I don't want to have another crisis no matter how many good years come between. I've thought a lot about shooting myself, but I never got a gun because I knew if it was in the house I would absolutely pull the trigger. I wish to g-d I had died 12 years ago. For that matter I wish my first attempt at suicide when I was 8 had worked. When I think of all the pain I have had since being 8 it makes me sick. I've had enough. I bought a gun. When the paperwork clears I'll take it home. And then maybe, finally I have peace.
  2. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    I really hope you don't use that gun. I know things are tough right now, and I hope you'll stick around and at least let us support you and become your friends.
  3. colt45

    colt45 Well-Known Member

    Please do not do it.
    Use that money to buy yourself some food or something else.

    I will talk with you.
  4. reefer madness

    reefer madness Account Closed

    I too lost my job and my house and am bankrupt. It sucks and the prospects of turning my life around seem daunting. It's not too late to change your mind and not buy the gun. Be safe.
  5. Bambi

    Bambi Well-Known Member

    Please don't do it... I don't know you at all but you're a person in pain who needs love and support through your very very difficult time. Please post, write, cry, scream or whatever but please don't use a gun on yourself!

    I have learned in my short time here that each person saves each and every member in some way...a post, a shared pain..something. We need you and need what you have to offer...please stay and let us give to you what we have to help you through!

    Please PM me if you'd like, I would love to help if I can.

    Please let us know how you are doing.
  6. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Hi Neal

    welcome to the forum.

    I really hope you reconsider. This doesn't have to be the way.
    Im here if you need to talk..dont give up :hug:
  7. Neal Perry

    Neal Perry Account Closed

    I posted earlier today that the only thing that keeps me from killing myself is my cat. I've held on to her for the last decade knowing that she needs me. She was diagnosed with Kidney disease a while ago, and I have been spending everything I have to treat her. I knew she was getting sicker and that's why I bought the gun. I knew I couldn't make it without her. It's a lot easier to put aside suicidal thoughts when you have at least one thing to live for or one thing that can't live without you. I don't anymore. She collapsed today, and passed a little while ago. That was the last thing keeping me alive. If I wasn't sure about buying the gun I am now. I know suicidal impulses come and go. I've had them for many years. I've been on other forums and I've always told people to find one thing to hang onto. I've lost my reason. I know my friends will be mad and upset. I know this is going to really hurt them, but I can't take it anymore. I keep screwing up my life, and the one person who never cared how stupid I am is gone. I'm glad I bought the gun. All I can think of is pulling the trigger. I've talked to so many therapists throughout the years, none have ever helped. I was willing to believe that there was still someone out there who could help me, but now I don't want help. I don't know what I'm going to do. I know that having a gun right there will make the choice easier. I never bring junk food home because if its there I'll eat it. If I have a gun I know I will use it.
  8. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    I'm so sorry about your cat.

    I know you said you don't want help. But you're posting here, and so it seems like, in some way, you're still trying to reach out. I hope you keep trying, and keep talking.
  9. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Hey Neal,
    I'm sorry your so low right now.. This can be overcome.. You said therapy hasn't helped.. Maybe you had the wrong therapist.. It took me three before I met Gina and she is great.. She also suffered from the things we do and one day she had enough and went back to school and became a therapist.. I think thats why she is so good at what she does because she has been there done that..
    I also had a gun and found myself sitting on the edge of my bed with it to my head the hammer cocked and my finger on the trigger.. I just couldn't let my family suffer from my actions so I got rid of the gun.. Please if you haven't got it yet don't, If you did then get rid of it..Let us at the forum help you!!
  10. History

    History Well-Known Member

    how i wish I have a gun. how I really wish.
  11. tranceadikd

    tranceadikd Member

    :agreed: I WISH

    your damn lucky!
  12. Bambi

    Bambi Well-Known Member

    Neal I am so sorry for the loss of your precious friend, I too hang on day to day for my cat -my best buddy and loyal friend.

    You seem to have a special bond with animals so please stay for their sake if you can not give yourself another reason.

    Please feel free to IM or PM me at the very least I would love to hear about your friend.

    Please keep posting..we care about you.

  13. Ellex

    Ellex Member

    I have ups and downs and often life doesn't seem like worth living for me either...what's the point, I feel as if things can only go downhill from here.

    Having said that, you lost your cat, and he/she can't be easily replaced, but you took such good care of your cat.
    There are many animals in shelters who need a good person like you to look after them.
    Cats just live...they don't think about why they are here but just enjoy the moment. I find that in itself a valuable lesson, or just watching them walk around, play or sleep.

    You say you don't want help, but someone, animal or human, might 'need' your help, love and affection. You might feel better knowing you can give another cat a great life in the future, after all there are so many people who are cruel to animals. Even 1 person being kind to their animal, or animals in general, makes a difference in this world.

    Sorry if I'm not making sense and sound like an idiot :unsure:
    I wish you lots of strength.
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