Last year in May I hit rock bottom. I was thinking about how am I going to do it every day. At school grades slipped, because I wasn't paying attention. I planned it for weeks and then one day I told my mom I was going to school, but actually I wasn't. I had written her and my friend a good-bye letter a day before. So, I left home, to kill myself, but instead of going to where I was supposed to do it, I went to sit next to the lake that is in my town and I was thinking of my life. I was thinking about what do I have to lose. I was thinking there for couple of hours and then decided to go home. I was scared to go home, because I didn't know whether my mom had found the letter or not. I was standing for quite some time behind the door and listening if she was at home, but she wasn't because she was looking for me. I text her that I'm home and that I'm sorry. It was heartbreaking to see her face, I was so ashamed of what I did. I told her what went wrong and I changed school. It got better after that, but now I feel depressed again. I think like what will the future bring, I'm so scared of starting my own life, like being all independent. I'm fat and ugly, others say I'm pretty, but I sure don't feel pretty. I photoshop my pictures, to make myself look pretty (like make the skin beautiful, eyes shiny/pretty, make myself skinnier). Now I think like, what would the life be like now, when I was dead and all. I think I wanna go to the train station right now and do it. But at the same time I'm scared. It seems to me that there is some unfinished business for me, but I think that is school. I want to graduate from school. this is where I think my life ends. I think I came back because of my mom. I'm an only child and I don't want to hurt her.