I came back

Discussion in 'After Effects' started by MoneyBling, Sep 7, 2008.

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  1. MoneyBling

    MoneyBling Guest

    The reason why i wanted to kill myself is school. I changed school last year and at first it was all okay, but later on, there were these groups and i felt really rejected because one of my good new friends there didn't talk to me anymore and i don't know why. They didn't like make fun of me or smth, but i don't want to be left out, i want to have friends.
    I've tried to kill myself once but i think about it every day. I think what it would be like if i was dead right now.It's really hard to write about actually.
    I don't even have a SINGLE friend to talk to, anymore. that one girl, who lives couple of blocks away, she doesn't talk to me much anymore, she always hangs out with her backstabbing friends and so. she knows about it and she probably has told to her friends too, i have 1 more friend who probably has told about it to someone and that's why i don't have anyone to talk to anymore. They have told me to go and talk to the others.. BUT WHY CAN'T THEY UNDERSTAND THAT IT'S NOT THAT EASY AS THEY THINK, I JUST CAN'T GO AND TALK TO THE OTHERS, I just can't.
    Even if i go to shops, the salesmen stare at me as they just saw a ghost, i don't understand what is wrong with me? I don't have any disability, i don't have any skin disease, i dress casual and wear mascara when i go out, i don't think i'm ugly as hell either, i think my looks are average, what is so weird about that?
    I don't want to go to a psychiatrist or therapist or whatever, i don't want to talk about this with strangers. and now i have changed school and it's not better. it's the school which i used to attend before last year and i really thought it was going to be better but its not. it was this tuesday when i thought i won't go home and go to train station instead, there happened this thing again and i felt so bad.. but the next day, i made a new friend and it was all better.

    The method i chose was to <mod edit-gentlelady-methods>. It's really hard to get a <mod edit-gentlelady-methods> and I didn't want to use my stepdad's because I didn't want to bring him troubles and I don't know how to use it either and cutting is not good, i just can't cut myself.

    I just wish i had more courage to<mod edit-gentlelady-methods> on that day... I would've been dead for 3 months and 10 days by now.. and i do think what my mom and dad and all the rest of the family would be doing right now, right now, when i was six feet under...
     
    Last edited: Sep 20, 2008
  2. downunder

    downunder Well-Known Member

    Don't<mod edit-methods>, because some people do survive and end up worse, because they are in a wheel chair.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 20, 2008
  3. MoneyBling

    MoneyBling Guest

    Didn't see any other option/way
     
  4. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Don't <mod edit-methods>. That has to be painful until you pass away. Your body will be all mangled. What happens if you don't die? You will have many different problems. I can't tell you to get help because I have support but I am high risk suicidal. I tested my pain threshold this past weekend. I smashed my hand with the claw end of a hammer. It hurt when I did it and after a little while it stopped hurting. Now it is tender to the touch. I have already decided on the way I just haven't decided on when yet!! there is no doubt it will happen. I have two attempts. One back in Jr. high school, and one about 8 years ago. You should get in therapy. It worked for quite awhile but I have never gotten rid of the suicidal thoughts. I have no friends, The few I have made here on the forum, Have just drifted away and I felt odd trying to hang on to them. Stay Safe and Stay Strong!!!:chopper:!!!
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 20, 2008
  5. anarulesmenow

    anarulesmenow Well-Known Member

    Dont <mod edit-methods>, think about all the passengers and the driver on the train and how they'll feel.The driver will probably never forgive himself and will feel guilty for the rest of his life-my dad knows a guy who was driving a train when <mod edit-methods>.My dad was also on a train when that happened(he works at a station)and he said it was really terrifying and uncomfortable for him.
    So dont.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 20, 2008
  6. MoneyBling

    MoneyBling Guest

    Well, yeah.. There was this girl in Estonia, 14, who committed suicide and <mod edit-gentlelady-methods> this year, that's where i got the idea also... I also have been thinking of <mod edit-gentlelady-methods>. Here, in Estonia, is this building which allows people to go on the roof, to see the great view of Tartu <mod edit-gentlelady-methods>
     
    Last edited: Sep 20, 2008
  7. AnomymousX

    AnomymousX Well-Known Member

    Welcome to my world, everyone just stares at me, or gives me dirty looks.
     
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