to try and escape my world. to help others and by doing that help myself. in ten minutes ym oldest has turned my into a nervous pile of shitl whiloe im sitting here trying to type thsi he is doing the things his father used to do to me. and i cant stop him i can t stop me im 45 feel liek a 5 yr old being punished for stuff i didnt do, im done i can tdo this anymore. may not sem like much to the rest of you with real problems but its enouigh for me. the straw so to say. ive been at the breaking point for so long now. im too tired to care. you all want the truth...no thigns dont get better ive spent most of my life trying ,in the end the only one that gives a flying leap about you is you and right this seciond i dont give a shit about me or how it is going to affect anyone!!!!!!!!! tell me again why killing myself isnt going to make thisgs beter? for who? evetryone else? well no bod y give a fuck bnout me so why dear god why do i have to keep doing for everyone elsse? for once to be totally seldfish like so much of the rest of this putrid world and its popiulation.!!!!!!1the world is out to get me but guews what im going to beat it to it. fuck this!!!sdkl'gtmwetjo'kl;.