I came very close last night.

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Iddawg, Apr 5, 2012.

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  1. Iddawg

    Iddawg New Member

    Mom passed away Dec. 3. 2010 she was the only person I could talk to about any thing and everything. I'm gay. Everything with the exception of that issue any way. She never new, and I could not bring myself to tell her. No one knows; not even my best friend. I was raised in a strict southern baptist home; and that sort of thing was never discussed.
    Plus I am not making enough money to make it. Cannot not go back to school; unable to study; due to grief. Just do not know what I am going to do. I know is sounds like I am being a big baby; but it just so hard to put my down my feelings. I'm not even sure I can feel any thing.
    There is no one in my life. Besides who would want me. I know I should not say that but its how I feel.
  2. Witty_Sarcasm

    Witty_Sarcasm Eccentric writer, general weirdo, heedless heathen

    Sorry to hear about your mom :hug: It can be hard when you feel like you have no one who will listen. I don't have anyone in my life that I can talk to, which is why I post here. Surely there must be something you can do to change your life. I don't think suicide should be the answer. You can talk to me if you need someone to talk to.
  3. youRprecious!

    youRprecious! Antiquities Friend

    Hi Iddawg, so glad you have found SF - there are many caring souls on here who will listen and you can off-load to. It really helps to write the feelings down, and to know that you are not alone and that people do care. Sorry about your mum's dying - do you have any other family? Please try to catch the negative thoughts and say you don't need them - that might be a corny thing to do, but I've had to do it - and learn to find a better thought to replace it with. Over time, I promise you, you will begin to feel stronger. Meanwhile, grief is very necessary, don't feel guilty about any of it, humans are made with feelings, and sometimes feelings hurt and we need to grieve, it is as simple as that. If other ppl don't understand you don't need them in your life anyway. Blessings and strength :)
  4. Iddawg

    Iddawg New Member

    I do have other family but all they care about is how much money they can get out of me. I would rather not bother.
  5. Chargette

    Chargette Well-Known Member

    It's good you are posting here. Many on this forum keep a diary, public or private, to unload thoughts and feelings into. It helps to relieve some of the pressure. Feel free to post here anytime.

    Are you seeing a doctor for depression or participating in a grief group? If not, these may be immediate options that will at least help some.

    I hope you feel better soon. :hug:
  6. Iddawg

    Iddawg New Member

    No, I am not seeing a doctor or participating in a grief group. I do not have the money to see a doctor professionally. I have started a private journal. It has helped.
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