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I can’t be pulled down if I don’t hold on.

#1
Sorry for the long post just need to express how I feel somewhere.

Still struggling to live a life I’m trapped in my own hell alone. I have no true friends and I can’t understand why the thing I want most is to find love. I have always preferred to be alone or at least distance myself from people due to my anxiety and it’s made it so I am truly alone. Nobody to check if I’m ok and that is my fault for not trying hard enough to overcome my fear of people.

I’ve been uninterested in everything I used to enjoy. I’ve been skipping meals, and feeling an emptiness that I can’t fill. I feel numb to most things in life and would rather stay in bed everyday. I feel I have no purpose, I’m sick of the emptiness inside and hiding behind dead eyes.

I don’t remember the last time I smiled or felt happy in general. Being sad is all I have left. I’m not alive I’m just breathing at this point and feel I will never be the person I wish I could be, I will never live up to the expectations of a world that won’t stop moving.

I feel like my depression is pulling me down and I’m so alone like swimming through an empty ocean. I’m not okay and it’s not alright
 
#3
I think all of us here understand all to well what you're feeling.

The BIG question is what is causing you to feel this way.

One relatively new theory is that your gut is out of whack
and making you whacked out.

You may want to alter your diet from what you're presently
eating, simplifying it and paying particular attention to how
each meal/foods affect your stomach/moods.

Foods that cause inflammation are really bad, can cause many
problems, especially with the thyroid. And it's all downhill from
there.

Irregular bowel movements are a classic clue.
But skin problems
and many other signs should be watched for too.
https://duckduckgo.com/?t=ffhp&q=signs+of+inflammation+in+the+body&ia=web

I too have preferred to live by my self, and been just fine with it.
But there are times I've craved human companionship, usually when
I'm not right with(in) myself. (and it IS possible not wanting to be
social could be a sign things aren't well either)

Your being uninterested in everything you used to enjoy is definitely
a sign that all is not well, and IMO, that's ultimately from a bad gut.
(and the inflammation that comes from it)
 

Champagne

✯✯ Heart of an angel ✯✯
Staff Alumni
SF Supporter
#6
Yes unfortunately since I was 16. Suicidal ideation since February 2017
Hey, I am sad to hear this.

Some questions if you don't mind?

Are you on meds/ seeing a therapist? If you have a fear of people in general due to anxiety you could try phone therapy.
When you say no-one to check on you, do you mean literally no-one, like no family supports even or do you mean friends?

Please arrange an appointment with your doctor and be brutally honest about how you are feeling. Medication can help, as can therapy (that would be the key here), community supports nearby too may help the isolation and help you make friends.

I hope you begin to feel better soon and realise there is a way out of this but you have to do it, no-one can do it for you, it will be uncomfortable but worth it and we will all be here to help you along the way.

Keep reaching out and keep us updated okay and one more thing, you're young, you have plenty of time to meet someone romantically after you recover from these ailments, good luck. *hug
 

Jezah81

Well-Known Member
#7
It's definitely not okay and not alright to feel this way. Is there a life event or anything in particular that you can remember that made your Start feeling this way? Most people here are compassionate and understanding. You can always express yourself clearly here. There are people who do care about you :)
 
#8
Sorry to hear that. Are you working with a doctor or therapist?
You can talk about things more if you think it might help to get it out.
Well I called my family doctor a bunch before I finally got the courage to tell him I’m not ok and he sent a referral to a psychiatrist so I have been waiting for that.

Hey, I am sad to hear this.

Some questions if you don't mind?

Are you on meds/ seeing a therapist? If you have a fear of people in general due to anxiety you could try phone therapy.
When you say no-one to check on you, do you mean literally no-one, like no family supports even or do you mean friends?

Please arrange an appointment with your doctor and be brutally honest about how you are feeling. Medication can help, as can therapy (that would be the key here), community supports nearby too may help the isolation and help you make friends.

I hope you begin to feel better soon and realise there is a way out of this but you have to do it, no-one can do it for you, it will be uncomfortable but worth it and we will all be here to help you along the way.

Keep reaching out and keep us updated okay and one more thing, you're young, you have plenty of time to meet someone romantically after you recover from these ailments, good luck. *hug
I did finally get the courage to tell my family doctor. Last time this happened I was forced to go to the hospital a couple times and even went of my own free will and that is when I started group therapy back in 2017. So my dr sent a referral to a psychiatrist and I am waiting on that now. As for meds I am on 450mg wellbutrin but evidently it is not working. Ha thank you I do wish I could see it like that too but it’s hard...

It's definitely not okay and not alright to feel this way. Is there a life event or anything in particular that you can remember that made your Start feeling this way? Most people here are compassionate and understanding. You can always express yourself clearly here. There are people who do care about you :)
well the first time where I made multiple attempts was back in 2017. Been depressed and have had horrible anxiety since I was 16 ( am 30 now) It was then in 2017 my ex and I had broken up after 8 years so I thinm that kind of pushed me over the edge. Thank you for the kind words it means a lot
 

sinking_ship

woman overboard
Forum Pro
SF Supporter
#9
I hope a change in meds will be helpful. You might ask the psychiatrist for a referral for a therapist. I've found for anxiety especially it can be really helpful. Depression too, but the answers there always seem harder.

Hang in there. You've always got people to talk to here, you're not alone.
 
#10
I hope a change in meds will be helpful. You might ask the psychiatrist for a referral for a therapist. I've found for anxiety especially it can be really helpful. Depression too, but the answers there always seem harder.

Hang in there. You've always got people to talk to here, you're not alone.
So my dr said i should not change my meds and that I should wait for the psychiatrist to call. I have no idea when that will be nor how long it’s even been my head is all over the place. Everything has gotten worse ans tonight is taking everything I have to not fuckin hurt myself.
 

sinking_ship

woman overboard
Forum Pro
SF Supporter
#11
So my dr said i should not change my meds and that I should wait for the psychiatrist to call. I have no idea when that will be nor how long it’s even been my head is all over the place. Everything has gotten worse ans tonight is taking everything I have to not fuckin hurt myself.
Sorry just saw this, been off a bit. How are you hanging in?
 

A_J_R

Well-Known Member
#13
Looks like everyone is giving good advice. Just wanted to say I'm sorry you are feeling so low and alone. Loneliness is the worst. I hope you feel better soon. And force yourself to eat! It's so hard, but remember to keep up some healthy habits. It does help. Take care.
 

sinking_ship

woman overboard
Forum Pro
SF Supporter
#14
No worries hope everything is ok. I’m not doing good I had a breakdown last night and called a crisis line which just frustrated me honestly
*hug I'm sorry to hear that. Is this the first time you've called the line? I imagine the experience can differ a ton depending on who happens to answer. Do you know when you are supposed to see the psychiatrist?
 
#15
*hug I'm sorry to hear that. Is this the first time you've called the line? I imagine the experience can differ a ton depending on who happens to answer. Do you know when you are supposed to see the psychiatrist?
No I’ve called before unfortunately. Well apparently the first psychiatrist refused to see me or something so my dr sent a referral to a better place but that place can take months he said. He told me to go to the hospital if I keep having suicidal thoughts and they can help me until the psychiatrist actually calls
 

sinking_ship

woman overboard
Forum Pro
SF Supporter
#16
Yeah, if you ever think you are unsafe you should to go the hospital. They would adjust your meds and help you get stabilized. Hopefully you will hear from someone soon though.
 

gray_now

Active Member
#17
Sorry for the long post just need to express how I feel somewhere.

Still struggling to live a life I’m trapped in my own hell alone. I have no true friends and I can’t understand why the thing I want most is to find love. I have always preferred to be alone or at least distance myself from people due to my anxiety and it’s made it so I am truly alone. Nobody to check if I’m ok and that is my fault for not trying hard enough to overcome my fear of people.

I’ve been uninterested in everything I used to enjoy. I’ve been skipping meals, and feeling an emptiness that I can’t fill. I feel numb to most things in life and would rather stay in bed everyday. I feel I have no purpose, I’m sick of the emptiness inside and hiding behind dead eyes.

I don’t remember the last time I smiled or felt happy in general. Being sad is all I have left. I’m not alive I’m just breathing at this point and feel I will never be the person I wish I could be, I will never live up to the expectations of a world that won’t stop moving.

I feel like my depression is pulling me down and I’m so alone like swimming through an empty ocean. I’m not okay and it’s not alright
Hi, I’m sorry you feel this way :( I feel like this myself. I’m trying to overcome my fear of being around people too, it’s just hard though. Maybe try doing a new activity on your own, eventually doing something you like around others may help you warm up to people and you’ll have a common interest.
 

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