I can feel him.

Discussion in 'Rape and Abuse' started by objectsinmirrors, Apr 16, 2011.

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  1. objectsinmirrors

    objectsinmirrors Well-Known Member

    I want to tell my therapist. I've known her for almost a year and a half, although i've only been back working with her for the past nine months. she knows i was molested but she doesnt know the whole story. I only am seeing her 6 more times before i go home for the summer and then switch therapists. i'm scared.

    But right now i can feel him touching me, oh i can feel it so clearly.his hands in my jeans, tongue on my nipple. I am screaming and screaming and screaming and no noise is coming out. i am an angel floating above my body. i can feel him. and god,does it hurt.

    Can anyone relate to the body memories? how do you cope?
  2. dazzle11215

    dazzle11215 Staff Alumni

    i can totally relate. the main thing i do is try and ground myself to the here and now. remind myself that it already happened and i'm not reliving it. it's in the past where it will stay. i do the 5 senses countdown trick. i look around and ask myself what are 5 things i can see that are, say, blue. 4 things i can hear. 3 things i can feel, etc.

    i also write alot. just free writing to get the yuckiness of sensation out of my body. i write an angry letter to my abuser. a letter saying i need help to my therapist. a letter of why didn't you take care of me to my family. i get it all out on paper.

    i try to stay away from things that will dissociate me even more, like cutting and looking at porn. my two bad habits. when i'm triggered i want to go to them but i know they will make me feel worse in teh long run.

    if i can i call a friend and invite myself over. just to have a chat or a cup of tea or watch tv together. nothing too heavy, just so that i don't have to be alone with the memories.

    i hope you find something that works

  3. MoAnamCara

    MoAnamCara SF Artist

    Objects - I'm sorry you are scared.

    As dazzle said, try to ground yourself. Feel your feet on the ground - stand up and jump up and down if necessary to avoid staying where your mind is - so that you know you are now safe even with the memories and physical feelings. I try to get up and walk, even if I'm at work and just to the restroom, just to change where I'm at. Rather than sitting or standing and seeing the images and experiencing the feelings, just to move sometimes helps me. Othertimes I have some of those stones that I carry with me so I can feel it in my hands, it helps to bring me back. Or I have those hair band things around my wrists which I can snap against myself.

    Body memories are hard to deal with... but realize you aren't alone. And as you work through this, it will be hard, but you will come through on the other side to a brighter place.

    ((gentle hugs to you))
  4. lostkatie1995

    lostkatie1995 Member

    I can relate a bit. Mostly for me it is only bad memories, but sometimes it's like i can feel him touching me and it freaks me out. It's been almost two years but whenever I see him in school (I have two classes with him) it brings back all the memories and sometimes it's really bad. When that happens, I put on my iPod and listen to happy music or call my best friend and talk about brainless nonsense that usually takes my mind off of things. Sometimes it doesn't work, but for the most part it does work.
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