I can feel it all falling apart again...

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by angee, Oct 16, 2011.

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  1. angee

    angee Well-Known Member

    I can feel it all falling apart again... i don't know who to talk to; my friends and family have suffered enough this year because of me. I have been doing so well recently at shutting it all away; my kids had their mum back! But i can feel it all coming back to the surface again. Today i started shaking again. I feel so pissed off all the time, the slightest thing and i snap. I don't want to get like i was only a couple of months ago. I'm scared.
     
  2. Acy

    Acy Mama Bear - TLC, Common Sense Staff Member Safety & Support

    Hi, angee. I'm glad you've reached out here. :hug: Sounds like there might be some stress happening in your life...? Do you have a support and social network to help you? Perhaps, if you have a pdoc/therapist, you could call and get in to see them soon?

    Feel free, in the meantime, to vent here or make a diary about anything that seems to be getting to you. Sometimes just "getting it out" keeps us from letting it get worse.

    Please be safe. Thinking of you. :hug:
     
  3. Bluey

    Bluey Active Member

    Hi angee.

    I don't know anything about you as I am new here.
    Not much I can do to help I guss.

    But I would say its OK to be scared. I guss that makes you human after all.
    Everyone worries about stuff from time to time.
    if you are worried about stuff try and do something to take your mind of it.

    Somethings that help me "sometimes" are playing a game. Any silly little game. Or listening to music. I say sometimes it helps cos there are times nothing at all helps. Take a walk if you can or any kind of exercises can make you feel a little better. Anyway hope you find some happens somewhere :)
     
  4. angee

    angee Well-Known Member

    i overdosed in april and have spent a few days on the mental health unit in august because i wanted to do it again. I listen to music and play games on my pc to help when i am bad, sometimes it helps, passes time. I do have a support worker and a psychologist, i am seeing both this week. i will talk to them. They weren't much help when i was bad last time but its better than nothing i guess. I want so much to get better, for all these horrible thoughts to go, to be the mum my kids deserve! I can't handle going through that again; not caring; not wanting to be alive 24/7. i know i never really stopped feeling that way but i managed to silence it for awhile and to be honest, it was heaven compared to how i had been! No where near perfect; i was in "mum" mode and looked after my kids and our home. Anything else was too much but i was doing it! Now i'm struggling and i hate being so snappy with the kids x
     
  5. Bluey

    Bluey Active Member

    To me to try and silence them kind of feelings is the wrong thing to do.
    You need to be able to talk about them. Have an outlet for them other wise they just build up and up tell they explode out of you.
    If its an on going thing then I would say you need to find an on going outlet.

    Someone regularly to talk to. Not just when you hit rock bottom.

    Its OK being mum 24/7 but you have to find time even if its just for a few hours a week to forget being a mum and to be able to relax and do something you enjoy. You are not just a mum. You are so much moor and what ever you wont to be really. Course this is just all as I see it and I am no psychologist.

    I wish you well :)
     
  6. angee

    angee Well-Known Member

    Thanks hun, i have been trying all of that you suggested but i forget about me, i know that sounds daft but i have spent 20 years seeing to my kids and not having time for me so now it doesn't even enter my head most of the time! I don't like worrying people or knowing they are upset or whatever because of me so i tend to keep alot to myself. I dunno...
     
  7. Bluey

    Bluey Active Member

    I hear what your saying. it is hard I know.
    I don't share my own feelings with anyone really for the same as you. Don't wont to be upsetting anyone. I feel bad all ready with out adding guilt for upsetting other ppl to it has well.

    I guss if I had all the answers I would not be here myself :)

    I am not a parent. It gets me down that something deep with in me tells me I well never experience that great ride.
    It is I think probably one of the greatest achievements you can do bringing up kids. And hard also. I don't know if I would have the patients for it. I am to used to living alone and having everything my own way.

    Think I could do with someone to upset my world a little and make me moor busy.
    You could do with a bit of the boredom I have to cope with everyday.
    Think we have opposite problems, Kinder. Maybe we should swoop lives for a day or 2 lol...

    One thing with being at rock bottom is there is no other way but better to go :) That's one thing I tell myself anyway.
     
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