My husband's parents are ruining my life. I didn't think they would ever have so much control and stuff over my life. But they are emotionally and verbally abusive. I lived with that kind of treatment until the day I turned 18. On my 18th birthday I woke up and walked out of my Dad's house and never looked back. Life was pretty good in the 8 years since. I got married, just had a little girl. But with my husband's parents.... it's like it's starting all over. They say things behind my back. They ignore me and if I say "don't do that with my daughter" they'll do it. And there is so much more I can't even put into words how it makes me feel. It reminds me of living with my dad. It reminds me of the years of watching my father curse my mother and sister and how it went from verbal abuse, to emotional, to physical. I have spent so many years building myself into a stronger person. But now I feel myself crumbling. Some things have happened recently that I just am too emotionally drained to type out. But last night I laid in bed. And I thought about how I would commit suicide if I really got there. <mod edit - methods>. And each time one of these things happened that I just couldn't stand.. that sent me to bed in a weepy mess, But I look at my daughter and pull myself out of the daydream.. or daynightmare. And then I'll think of something a little less live-or-die and think of just killing myself in a clean manner that my husband wouldn't have to clean up... and they could resume life without having to clean up my mess, again. My husband admitted to me today that he went for a drive, found a parking lot and just cried. He feels so torn between his parents and me. That doesn't make me feel any better. Right now I don't think seriously of committing suicide. But I fear that someday it will become a more realistic option for me. But I don't admit my feelings. My husband works in the mental hospital here. I hear the tales and what the staff really thinks of their patients. And I can't be taken away from my daughter. I can't imagine spending a night without her. That would make me go over the edge. I know it.