I wish I could just scream to my family that I am allowed to feel what I want to feel!!! LET ME FEEL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! NO I don't have to get over the abuse and the pain instantly! No I don't have to be ready to let go or move on or forgive or forget or do anything you tell me to feel!!! Why can't I ever have my feelings and have them validated?! For my entire life I've been told what I feel is wrong. My feelings went ignored or mocked or invalidated some other way and I'm tired of it!! Through all the abuse and all the suffering. I'm tired of people telling me what I should and shouldn't feel, when or how or why. I have a lot of pain and it's not going away. It comes and goes and I go through cycles of numbing and releasing and it drives me nuts, but it makes it even worse when I'm constantly told it's all wrong. IT HURTS to be laughed at and mocked, yelled at, lied to, degraded, and ignored. Neglect burns me inside. How do you cope with someone ignoring you when you say you feel suicidal?! How do you get over it that fast? WTF? How can people tell me that I should just ignore everything that happened so I can "focus on moving my life forward?!" I'm going to be homeless soon and I lost a vision of a future that I thought would make me happy. I now see nothing. That's really f****** hard to deal with. It's hard to cope with my feelings, I don't know how to fully process this kind of pain. EACH MINUTE IS A STRUGGLE right now.