I CAN go on, I just dont give a..........

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by chewbacca, May 13, 2012.

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  1. chewbacca

    chewbacca Well-Known Member

    I mean, if I was a robot, without emotions, I could do all the 'responsible' things 'that you're supposed to do'. But you know. My mind/internal world is so bleak its unbearable. The hatred is unspeakable. The sorrow is majestic. Maybe its the weed withdrawal but its really hard to find motivation. maybe its manic depression, but right now i really dont underestand how come ive been able to feel... umm better? i felt right just a few days ago, tried to get some things done (im an illustrator), but got really demotivated by the fact that I HAVE TO DO IT, which started a downward spiral/whirlwind of shitty thoughts, its like, i dont need this shit, whats the freakin point, i could just/would rather just stab myself in the neck and be done with it. 'going on' would make me feel like a ... its hard to explain, it would seem crazy to just get on with my business like nothing is happening, like a dog who sticks its head out the car window and drooling in the wind "YEA YEAH YEAH ITS GREAT, I LOVE IT, I LOVE BEING A DOG, ITS SO GOOD." maybe a weird, incomplete comparison, but im too tired and careless to come up with something you humans could relate to.

    anyways, kill me, please, the 'knowledge' of futility of this life absolutely murdered my soul and whats the fucking point to "live" a death? i look at the things people like to spend their time on this plane of existence and kind of laugh/cry and cringe. everything seems so alien, and 'not enough' to really satisfy me. what should i look forward to when everything seems so plastic? what? a girlfriend? fuck that. it would probably be nice to spend some fun time with someone a bit close to me, but as a cosmic child i know i will never find such person, cause I sense my non-human origin and humans just dont seem 'enough'. its kind of dumb but i look a girl in the eye and i think "you're just human". it depresses me to no end. and even if i would met someone nice, im way to much of a mess emotionally to handle a 'relationship'. i convulse even after a pretty neighboor refuses to look at me, for crying out loud. ultimately, girls/love are evil anyway.

    so yeah, keep on truckin or some shit fuck yeah
     
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Just wanted you to know i read your post hun and i am sorry you are feeling so low Hugs to you
     
  3. Prox

    Prox Active Member

    I know exactly what you mean, though I seem to be handling it a bit better. Do you really think that other people are just living like dogs hanging their tongues out the window? I think you seriously underestimate the emotional depth of at least most of the people around you. We all contemplate the point of it all, and some of us have well-defined reasons we don't think life is futile.

    Your understanding of meaning is pretty superficial, I must say, and I think this is the ultimate problem behind your thinking. You think you've figured it all out and have settled on nihilism. Aren't you curious why so many others disagree? I can promise you that their reasons have more depth than you suppose.

    I do seem to lose touch with you near the end of your post. What do you mean by cosmic child? Do you think you're a higher being than us humans? What gives you that idea?
     
  4. chewbacca

    chewbacca Well-Known Member

    hey im not gonna argue,. cause i will 'have' to have a point. screw that. rationalising wont help my situation. part of me is saying 'stop being a pussy and get on with it' and the other part goes 'yeah, dont be such a fucking pussy'. a thousand million but but buts.........................
     
  5. chewbacca

    chewbacca Well-Known Member

  6. Prox

    Prox Active Member

    Oh, I love cult films!

    I'll be sure to watch it. I don't quite understand post #4, though.
     
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