I can hear and feel the clock counting down

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by netean, Nov 4, 2007.

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  1. netean

    netean Active Member

    Every day I feel it getting closer and closer.

    I have this plan, it's quite a good plan (I think), one that makes it seem entirely like natural causes (I've done lots of research!).

    Every day I wonder "if today will be the day?" will there be enough reason, any reason NOT to do it. Up til now there has been, but everything is falling apart.

    I'll be honest. I'm scared shítless, it's getting closer and closer and the places to run are fast disappearing.
  2. RySp123

    RySp123 Guest

    you ran here hun...... a safe place for you to seek comfort and reassurance... here you are never alone.

    be safe
  3. netean

    netean Active Member

    thanks, but posting on an internet forum... can only do so much. and I fear that it won't be enough.
  4. RySp123

    RySp123 Guest

    mind me asking where you would run to if you could at this very moment nethan?
  5. RySp123

    RySp123 Guest

    Netean? I guess you have left for now. At times it happends that we do not see anywhere to go, do or else to get out of it. There are resources around that are availaable if you need to..... others are within but fail to find them. If you share some of your burden perhaps more options or different ones from those you have tried or looked into will come forth. The door is open at all times here, but you need to enter not just stay in the doorway. Inside there are nice people willing to offer what they've got and put it all ...... yours to decide now...... but hope you will enter.

    be well and safe
    p.s. postpone all that is on your mind till tomorrow ok
  6. netean

    netean Active Member

    If I could. I'd run to a new home and live on my own, - where i don't make other people unhappy.
    I'd run to somewhere I can earn enough money to survive (which I'm not doing right now as my business is failing).

    can't do either of those. No money, no savings and the job prospects for me are just terrible. Failed business and although I'm good at my job and love it, the skills aren't transferrable.

    can't run to friends I haven't got any any now: My "friends" decided they didn't want to speak to me after last year.
  7. RySp123

    RySp123 Guest

    Netean I am not in mental state being in crisis myself today so I will limit my words for now.

    You can throw away everything you have and are loosing (business) but your skills and love for what you do remains entirely yours and can be put into perspective.... they how is up to you if you are willing to give it a try till you can fall back on your feet and perhaps start a successful business again later.

    No amount of money is worth one's life. Money ease life but isn't life nor a way to live.... if you live for money-success etc only then you are up to sour feedbacks. Set your priorities first hun. Running away is not the only solution sweet Netean. Aren't here business councelors in your area that could advize you on how to move around?

    Why aren't your friends talking to you?
  8. netean

    netean Active Member

    it's not about the money... i don't do my job for money. But I need money to pay bills. ATM I can't even pay half the rent, let alone half the rent+bills.

    Running away isn't a solution. But my alternative options are diminishing.

    re: friends... I did something I shouldn't have done last year. I left my Long term partner for someone else and my friends told me where to go.
  9. RySp123

    RySp123 Guest

    options diminishing but not out of yet.... know where to look for more options?
    ask and you will be answered. none can say that we know it all or better so trust your neighbour is a step in itself.

    lets try to see clear in this shall we?
  10. netean

    netean Active Member

    no. not out of options yet, but it does seem to be best one at the moment.
  11. RySp123

    RySp123 Guest

    seem to..... :hug:
  12. netean

    netean Active Member

    yup. seems tos, hence why I'm still here.

    basically, if done right, it looks like natural causes, so the person I love and care for won't have suicide stigma/guilt/blame/anger/ etc etc.

    Hopefully it will allow her to move on without me. She doesn't want to at the moment, because she knows that I physically/financially/emotionally have no where else to go. No friends I can go stay with, no family I can crash with, not enough income to move out and rent somewhere. Hell I don't even have a car anymore.

    If i knew of a better way, I'd take it. I live in hope that a better option will appear, but it's looking less and less likely. Every day we have another arguement, and every day I can see her becoming more and more unhappy - unahppy with us, unhappy with herself. I know she feels trapped, because I have no where else and it's killing me to know that I'm making the person I love most in the world so unhappy.
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