I can keep living like this.

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Kaydiem, Feb 11, 2009.

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  1. Kaydiem

    Kaydiem New Member

    I'm stuck. Stuck in a very sucky relationship. He doesnt care about my feelings. I hate him but I have to stay with him. When he drinks he's unpredictable and can be seriously abusive. I keep giving him the ultimatum me or drinking but he doesnt care. Mostly because he knows I have no place to go and no means to take care of me and my 3 kids. Im agoraphobic and cant go out alone, I wouldnt even be able to take my daughter to school let alone pay any of the bills or rent. If we did break up and he left, he would just get drunk and break in. Its happened before. I have no help with the kids, I'm alone with them all day. I only get to go outside like once a week. Nothing I do is good enough. He constantly puts me down. My kids are the only thing keeping me alive. Things are just getting worse. I want to check myself into a hospital but I have no one to take care of my babies. All I feel is despair and hopelessness and Im so sick of being scared. Scared if he's drinking and what will happen if he is. On top of everything I'm getting no sleep. Im surviving on 3-4 hours a night. I dont know how long I can keep going.
    Sorry for the wall of text and poor grammer and all that, once I started I just kept going. Im too upset to go back and try to fix it :(
  2. jameslyons

    jameslyons Well-Known Member


    That sounds like a terrible situation. Would you consider going to a woman's shelter? Nobody has a right to hurt you.

  3. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Hi Kaydiem,

    Welcome to the forum :hug:

    I'm sorry you're feeling so low :( That's a very tough situation you are in.

    About the agoraphobia, please believe me when I say that it can be cured. I never left my home for 4 years(literally,not once), now I'm able to go to therapy every week and sometimes shopping and have even gone to clubs a few times. Please do not give up. Your first step would be to call a doctor and explain your situation to them. They will then refer you to someone that can help you deal with agoraphobia. Please do it soon :arms:

    If you need to talk about it, you can always PM me :arms:

    Lynn xx
  4. mdmefontaine

    mdmefontaine Antiquities Friend

    hey hun. welcome to s.f. it is a place where we all understand. . . .. i am sorry for your situation. . . .listen to 'lynn'. who just posted you, for sure, agoraphobia can be controlled and even overcome

    you are in a hugely stressful situation. . . and as jameslyons posted. . no one has a right to harm you. you and your kids could go to a shelter, but do not leave the kids with him (i am sure you would not)

    in your state of mind you are not thinking very rational. there is help out there - so perhaps if you just kept reaching out to us here on s.f. - we can hold on to you as you get things sorted out - and then - begin to think of one small step to start you on the way out of your tunnel.
    there is a way out
    and you deserve a much better life than what you are living.
    and i believe you will be able to find that - because you are so strong - that is what caused you to reach out! we care about you! :hug:
  5. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    I'm sorry you are in such a situation.I know how you feel about the alcohol. I went from one alcoholic to another. Every relationship I have been in has been alcoholic and they all cheated on me. I had one GF who wasn't but she decided she wanted to go back to Oklahoma and be with her ex boyfriend. We talked about it and I unserstood how she felt.
    I agree that you should start waying your options and find other accomendations. You don't need to be in that kind of environment. You will always have us here at the forum to talk to.Take care!!!~Joseph~
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