I started when I was about 16 (I'm 22 now) and a few times I've even managed to go a few months without it but I can just never keep it up. A few days ago marked exactly a year since my first suicide attempt and a couple weeks before I was in hospital when I tried again so it's gotten worse lately. I'm pretty careless about it now, I started carving words and I don't even try to hide the cuts any more. A lot of times I find myself looking for reasons to do it. I'm concerned that it's just so ingrained in me that I won't ever be completely out. I know this isn't healthy but I find it just doesn't feel normal to go very long without it. I guess at this point I feel kind of uncomfortable feeling okay for any amount of time really and I get pretty guilty about it. I don't always feel like I want to anymore, I'm convinced that I should and I have to. I don't really know where to go from here Anyone in a similar boat?