everything goes wrong. every single thing. it's as though i am cursed. i am absolutely void of positivity of any kind. every drop of positivity has been beaten out of me. it's literally amazing how bad everything is. no matter how much i try nothing ever goes right. i'll try to help someone or do something good and it always blows up in my face. if there's a chance that something good might happen to me it never, ever does. i dare not expect anything to go well because that only leads to disappointment. always expect the worst. people treat me like shit and look down on me. it's no wonder, because i'm just horrible. i'm just a rotten person. i can feel myself becoming bitter and hateful. i can viciously rip people, family, etc apart verbally. i snap at people so easily. i take out my frustrations on my family. i'm growing to hate everyone because of both jealousy and just because i don't trust people anymore. i'm jealous of happy people. its getting worse and worse. that's the scary part. i am incredibly miserable and depressed and its always getting worse. i just want to be free from this. death seems like the ultimate escape. rest.