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i cannot believe how fucked up everything is

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by lymeinside, Jul 12, 2009.

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  1. lymeinside

    lymeinside Well-Known Member

    everything goes wrong. every single thing. it's as though i am cursed.

    i am absolutely void of positivity of any kind. every drop of positivity has been beaten out of me. it's literally amazing how bad everything is. no matter how much i try nothing ever goes right. i'll try to help someone or do something good and it always blows up in my face. if there's a chance that something good might happen to me it never, ever does. i dare not expect anything to go well because that only leads to disappointment. always expect the worst. people treat me like shit and look down on me. it's no wonder, because i'm just horrible.

    i'm just a rotten person. i can feel myself becoming bitter and hateful. i can viciously rip people, family, etc apart verbally. i snap at people so easily. i take out my frustrations on my family. i'm growing to hate everyone because of both jealousy and just because i don't trust people anymore. i'm jealous of happy people.

    its getting worse and worse. that's the scary part. i am incredibly miserable and depressed and its always getting worse.

    i just want to be free from this. death seems like the ultimate escape. rest.
  2. hellohello

    hellohello Member

    i;m feeling exactly the same right now...
    something happened at work where a colleague stitched me up in a way, made made me look bad in order to make himself look good, and management seem to have taken his side, and all my colleagues too don't seem to believe me.... its like suddenly i'm this big liar... all these people who know me and who i've worked with for years.... well, ok, there are two people who believe me, but they aren't even the people who are supposed to be my friends, they are just to colleagues who have had similar experiences with this man....
    i have become very bitter as well.... the only thing i have to look forward to is seeing my therapist again tomorrow night, she's been away for two weeks... this whole episode just happened at at the beginning of her time off.... i coudln't believe it...
    do you have a therapist...???? sometimes that's the only thing that can help... you clearly need to talk to someone... you don't trust anyone, like me... i don't trust anyone at all... your therapist could a saviour... it can take a while to find the right one though....
    is there anything you want to talk about... ??? i can stay online for a while... so if you want to talk about anything, just write back... otherwise, try to get a therapist... are you in uk??? in london there are a few places i know.. you can even try to see someone through nhs, but that's usually on a short term basis, and it soudns like you might, like me,need something more long term... i hope you feel better soon... thinking of youxxxxxxx
  3. triggs

    triggs Account Closed

    hey hun :hug: i'm sorry you're feeling this way
    perhaps you should talk to someone? a therapist maybe?
    i hope things work out soon :heart:
    triggs xx
  4. prakash

    prakash Well-Known Member

    Hello Lymeinside, It seems you are depressed. You should see a therapist or a counsellor. Or try to connect with some people on this forum. I am glad you wrote your feelings here. The only thing I can say is that we must be strong. we must not give up just because we are having problems. We must learn to solve problems. We must take steps to help ourselves, by talking to anyone who we think can help us. Doing nothing is the worst thing to do. Killing yourself is out of question. You must live and help others.
  5. momeick

    momeick Member

    No one likes me, either, but I'm not really bitter about it. I feel that I deserve it. I wonder which is better, to be like you or to be like me? I guess there's really no difference, when it comes right down to it. Either way, you want to die! I wish I could tell you that being nice will help; it hasn't for me. People still take me for granted, let me down and hurt me. Even though I try so hard. I'm sorry you feel so horrible. I'd be a good friend to you. I wonder if you'd let me down?! :)
  6. thepainwithin

    thepainwithin Well-Known Member

    You and me both :/ I am 19 years old and I can't believe my life is this out of order. I swam for 15 years, I used to be so good but then everyone starting growing and not me and I ended up a nothing being beaten by people I once beat. I started smoking pot, and within the first year I got caught, my only antidepressant is being taken away from me. I've tried pills, I've tried therapy, counseling, talking to friends, you name it, pot is the only thing that eased my depression and gave me hope things were going to get better. I can't take it. I hate college, I'm not a social person. I hate the fact that I'm going back to school where it will be the same as the last school I went to. Every night I conemplate suicide and every night I wish I could just leave this place.

    The only thing that keeps me going is that one day I will be dead. One day the great release will come. All the pain and suffering from the fakeness of life of living as a slave to the dollar will end. People are so fake. Working isn't real, money isn't real, nothing is real, but people are so caught up in the fakeness they forget that we are only human. America is the land of the free, we are not free. I do not have control over what I do. If I wanna do drugs I can't. I can die for this country but I can't sit back and have a beer with my dad? I hate living here, I hate the thought of being on probation in a month and I hate the thought of going back to college. I want to die.
  7. hellohello

    hellohello Member

    hello all of you... i am touched by what i read as i am in my thirties and i still have the same thoughts as you guys, not all the time of course, but they have persisted... in between though i have had good times and i have met interesting people, all of that, but yes the depression keeps coming back, that feeling as you say thepainwithin of 'fakeness', everything just seems fake... that is the word i use myself,... i guess some of us are just like this, and our lives just continue like this, punctuated by depression... that's just who we are... we sometimes need help to get through particularly bad patches... like both you lymeinside and thepainwithin are describing... can you try and get some therapy to get you through these particularly rough patches? i hate to think of you guys being all alone, i guess that's what this forum is for... keep in touch on here... don't isolate yourselves completely... people will listen... it's hard when your depressed, it's just a downward spiral... and people who don't get depressed, not seriously depressed, just don't understand.... but it's true you do need to try to keep some sort of connection going with other people.. the painwithin you say you're not social, but somewhere you are, because humans are social beings i guess, and we do need some sort of contact with others... stay in touch on here... people will always get back to you... i will check again tomorrow... hope you may already be feeling better, both of you... thinking of you....
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