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I cannot complain....

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by dumba**, Oct 17, 2008.

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  1. dumba**

    dumba** New Member

    So - I lost my job, all job I can get is something in a call center again, and it will kill me i cant really do this.
    I am highly intelligent but cant go to university - no money over here in germany.
    I dont have savings so the bank crisis dont bother me. I owe the bank money. enough to have a lot of my money sacked. the rest will just be enough to eat noodles , no sauce. I owe less than 5 percent than the average german, but course they wont give ME money to buy food. they rather give people money that already owe more than 100 times as much, to buy a new porsche.

    I got offered my dream job but they decided differently. I was 2 days late so they rather employ a person with no talent. I ran out of friends to know a good job. If I do callcenter again I will be at the end of all quite soon.

    My boyfriend who I love is the dearest and most caring person. he lives 3 hours away from here, I dont have money to go see him.
    He is married with a little kid. they are friends - no more. I know I talked to her. but I will never have him.

    I ve been raped a few times, well.....

    I learned actress, a stupid job.

    All my friends are hours away. I cant move and find a job, I have no savings. wasnt possible with the laugh of money I earned lately while working my ass off.

    I am chronically sick, I have morbus crohn. oh yea that HELPS getting and keeping a job. did I meantion that I am also just 4ยด11" "tall" and weigh 90 ponds? who would ever want me for a serious job? doesnt matter that I am having an IQ of 150.

    So I sit here, havent showered for a week. why? no one cares.
    Money will get less and less and I havent seen a single person except from the folks in the supermarket since I lost this job.

    So who would really care. They will get over it.

    And they tell me I will get over it; its not AIDS or something.

    But sometimes I wish it was. And I wish I was one of the 10 percent to die of crohn, imstead of something with a really happy life.

    I cant complain. I have a little home, a bed and at least SOMETHING to eat.

    but.... ya know........

  2. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    Hi D and welcome...wanting more for yourself is by no means being indulgent...can you take any course online? or is there tuition reimbursement as a perk of any job? It is so frustrating to want something one cannot attain...but know, there are truly ways to sort this stuff out (through professional and peer support)...big hugs, J
  3. Starlite

    Starlite Senior Member

    Welcome to SF! :smile:
  4. Acy

    Acy Mama Bear - TLC, Common Sense Staff Member Safety & Support

    Hiya, D,

    Sounds like a really hard spot you're in. I can relate to the lack of employment. And I'm a short person, too (barely 5'1"). The good news for you is that I worked for a Vice President of a company, and she was 4'10" tall. People did and do take her very seriously. I hope that helps to make one less worry on your list.

    Overall, I just hope you can hold on there. Things do eventually get better, even when we have the roughest of times. I wish I could say something more helpful. For now, just know that you do have some moral support.


  5. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Hi D,
    Sounds like life has pulled a fast one on you. You sound like a very strong person. Don't let this inconveniance hold you down. Why can't you move to where your friends and boy friend are?
    You need to keep telling yourself that I can do this and hold on to that mind set!!!I also think you should check into some buisness classes to help better yourself. Then you can upgrade to finding a job in management somewhere.
    You know something attitude has alot to do with being picked for upper positions. I was a truck driver for a concrete company and heard about a position in management opening up. I went in for the interview and lied thru my teeth. I was making really good money and receiving decent bonuses every quarter. I worked there for ten years. Then I had my breakdown and couldn't function, so I gave my two weeks notice because they would have found a way to get rid of me. I was screwing up big time. I was dispatching repeat orders to jobs, when people started telling my boss I was f*****g up. He came out there and told me to go home. It took three times before I understood what he was saying. Luckily I forgot about my truck and walked home. In the mind set I was going thru I might have hurt someone very bad.
    Anyhow don't give up the fight!! Your a strong person and have natural talent so good luck!!Take Care!~Joseph~
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