I cannot do this anymore

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by cherie, Jun 17, 2012.

  1. cherie

    cherie Member

    I am seriously thinking about taking my life. Just finished college and I have no idea what to do with my life. I have no interests, no hobbies, nothing gives me pleasure anymore and I keep thinking what is the point of all? We are all gonna die anyway so why bother? Everything including me feels worthless and so trivial. I cannot even stand daylight anymore.. I've lost many of my good friends and I'm usually too sad and whiny, so I stopped talking to the rest of them in order not to be a bother. I tried counseling, didn't work at all.. I would have give it another go but I have absolutely no money.. And I'm tired of fighting.. it's like an invisible monster that it's eating me inside out inch by inch.. I tried talking with my sister about it, she said the usual.. that she has problems too and she's not depressed. my mom didn't understand at all and instead keep shouting at me why am I so irascible.. I keep having dreams about killing myself.. how to do it without a mess and how to make it as long and as hurtful it can be.. in order to make the mental pain disappear.. in order to feel anything else besides this.. I don't understand, why me? why can't I be content with everything just like other normal people are? why can't I be enthusiastic about a job with fixed hours, a husband, kids and a house to clean? even when I think about it it makes me depressed.. I only know what I don't want.. not what I want.
     
  2. MisterBGone

    MisterBGone Well-Known Member

    Well, hey, cherie... That's a great start! I don't always know what I want either, but I definitely know what I do not want... I think that, many of the uncertainties that you speak of are quite common in many collegiate graduates these days. Not knowing what will make you happy to-day, to-morrow, or for the rest of your Life can be rather daunting. But I'll tell you what, you don't have to have all of the answers right now. Everything doesn't need to be decided right this instant. I myself am going back to school for another degree after much time away, and all I can say is that I congratulate you on making it through your education. It is no small feat. I would ask if there is any direction that might appeal to you more than the other? Any particular thing that interests you at all? In or out of your field? You don't have to be an expert on the subject, just simply get your foot in the door, and get started, and who knows, you may find that you've stumbled onto a great career path!
     
  3. Mikeintx

    Mikeintx Well-Known Member

    Hello Cherie, sorry to hear you are having such a hard time, I can definitely relate to some of the things you are going through. Depression is a really tough disease, have you considered medication? It can be a really helpful tool along with therapy and other things. Counseling can work if you find a good counselor you mesh with, it can just take some time finding one that works well with your personality, and when you feel as bad as you do right now it may seem impossible to find on. Please keep talking and reaching out to people, things seem really hard right now, but in time things can get better. Hang in there.