I cannot face it anymore

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Marti2003, Jun 12, 2011.

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  1. Marti2003

    Marti2003 Well-Known Member

    I will from now on abandon my friends and all, I just lost, my life is just over. This is it. I just have prepare everything, leave things good behind. I better stay quit now and not see people again. I just hate myself and I know most of them would be have more restfull life without me. Every day is a survival and you have to proof yourself so strong, but I fail in that so big time. I am tired to be that person I do not want to be, not want to live in a cruel world like this. I am not the person for this world... what selfish of me...why I feel this way, I hate it and mostly myself... it is just over, I lost and know what I have left to do...
  2. Jonathan

    Jonathan Well-Known Member

    Hi Marti,

    What happened? I mean was there something big that recently happened or have you been feeling like this for sometime?

    Just remember there are always other ways. You just need to look friend.
  3. llew

    llew Member

    i have no idea of what to say other than dont make any life altering dissicions whilst you are stressed depressed or on consious altering drugs. you have reach out into this same window of light as me and all i ask is that you either goto sleep and sleep on it or stay here by this saftey line and wait for the break of day.
  4. Marti2003

    Marti2003 Well-Known Member

    Love is the main reason, but also so many things I struggle so much in life... it is too much and I feel I cannot get out of it anymore.... I feel such a looser... I dunno what to say or what to think anymore, I only think of dead now
  5. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

    are you seeing a doctor and/or taking meds marti..
    If not maybe time to talk to one..
    if you're on meds then maybe they need to be readjusted
  6. Marti2003

    Marti2003 Well-Known Member

    I had a first appointment for the pschygologist, but they reschduled it, so I have to wait 2 weeks again, i have no meds... i am crying all the time, feeling worthless and most of all feeling hopeless..mostly about my love
  7. unemployedman

    unemployedman New Member

    I know how you feel. Everyday I just worry and try to hang on. I lost my job about a year ago and ran out of paxel that did help me alot. I am just struggling to keep sane. I want to sleep all day and don't feel like trying anymore. I really need to see someone to get on meds again...but I don't have health insurance. Hang in their marti.
  8. LoveBeing

    LoveBeing Well-Known Member

    Hi Marti,

    As you may already know, in essence, we are all human beings, we are all the same, regardless of our differences in appearances, social status, profession, experiences, etc, etc… Unconditional accept and love of yourself is the way to go before everything can go the way we truly want it to go and be…

    Our thoughts could make us suffer. Maybe it’s time for you to question your thoughts.

    Re your thoughts about your girl friend: “I cannot let her go. She is my everything, I love her so much…”

    - do you really know your girl friend that well or do you just have an idea about her?

    - your love to her - could it be just an idea of love to an idea of her?

    1. Is it true “you cannot let her go“?
    2. Can you absolutely know that it’s true?
    3. How do you react, what happens, when you believe that thought?
    4. Who would you be without the thought?

    You can use the above four questions to question your other thoughts, too, such as "I'm such a loser", etc... You may be amazed what you may find out about your thoughts, what the thoughts are doing to you and how you can free yourself from these thoughts...

    Here are some related video clips that you may find helpful:

    Byron Katie: i need your love - is that true?

    Finding Kindness & Questioning Stressful Thoughts

    Maybe you can also appreciate the video clip below:

    Your Thoughts Make You Suffer ~ Eckhart Tolle (who was once also suicidal…he says in the video “I have suffered enough. There is another way to live…” His book "The Power of Now" can be very helpful, too...)

    Wish you well!
  9. Marti2003

    Marti2003 Well-Known Member

    Thanks lot, i wish i could get rid of all these thoughts
  10. Moat

    Moat Banned Member

    Te fact alone that you are still with us, two days after you first posted, tells us (and yourself) that your life is far from over. All you need to do is find something to occupy yourself, when you start to have thoughts about suicide. Even just coming here and posting will make you feel a little better, knowing no one here will judge you, and help you fight your demons with you, so you do not have to fight them alone.
    :bubbles: :bubbles: :bubbles:
  11. Marti2003

    Marti2003 Well-Known Member

    Thanks... I am still around, and so are my thoughts of dying. Now I am not able to do it yet, but I feel that a moment come soon that I will not care anymore and will do it. I was cutting food with a nife last time, I putted the knife on my wrist, I wanted to cut it, I did not do it, it only left a mark. With that moment I felt like I want to do it. I never did an attempt, I hope the first is also the last. I do not want to feel this way anymore, when sleeping I feel so free. Awake is one big hurting, I want to scream, I want to run away, far away. But I keep with myself and my shit always. I want to sleep. Like now, it is around 3 am here and cannot sleep. I have a jobinterview this morning, I feel I have no inspiration or motivation. I know it is gonna fail, like all the times... I tried so hard, but no one give me any chance to proof myself, what do I wrong? I am just a faillure and burden for people and for myself... I want to die so much, I hate myself, I cannot even look myself in the mirror... why people not give me a chance, I give so much, but it is always for nothing, for all I do, why?? I always be good, but my life is one big punishment... i want to sleep forever
  12. LoveBeing

    LoveBeing Well-Known Member

    Can you please try and think differently this time? Think that it’s very possible that you will get an opportunity to prove yourself. You know how you think can influence a lot on how the interviewer thinks…

    If you cannot fall asleep now, just relax and have some rest before the interview. Please let us know how the interview goes...

    With best wishes…
  13. Marti2003

    Marti2003 Well-Known Member

    It was a training selection with a group of people with the interview. I gave everything I got, but who was the one who could go home during it..... me.... they do not see me for the job.... why for god sake... again... :((( I really wanted to jump before a train
  14. LoveBeing

    LoveBeing Well-Known Member

    Again, you manifest your world through your mind. Deep down you know that you are not your thoughts. Your thoughts cannot define you. You have the power to change your thoughts…

    As we can see, you are becoming aware of your thoughts. You are actually the awareness that is aware of the thoughts. Observe/watch your thoughts. Choose to go with the thoughts that you want to manifest in your life situations. Embrace this moment of your life, always. Disregard the useless/unhappy/hurtful thoughts. You will feel the peace deep inside you. I’ve learned from my experiences that true peace/happiness is deep inside us, which is not dependent on our life situations…

    Train your mind this way and see how things may change in your life situations. Life has not given up on you. You know that there will be more opportunities. When your mind is ready to manifest the world you truly want, the opportunities will be yours to choose. Do not believe what I say. Check it out in your actual life experiences…

    Yes, you do have the power to create a different world for yourself…!!

    hugs :hug:
  15. Marti2003

    Marti2003 Well-Known Member

    It really sounds amazing, how can I find that? How am I able to find that peace inside? How can I train that? I wish I knew and could get away from these bad feelings.
    Thanks for your writings, I hope I will find it.
    But now I feel so tired, like all my energy is sucked away from me. My body is so weak feeling, but I want feel the energy...
    I wish I knew what to do, I wish I could start over, but not here, I want start over completly, in a new place , in a new life
  16. LoveBeing

    LoveBeing Well-Known Member

    Dear Marti,

    It’s not that complicated. You can start by observing the thoughts in your mind, with the awareness that you have the power to choose, that you do not have to believe in the thoughts in your mind, that you do not have to follow the thoughts when they are not making you feel good... (In fact, the awareness is who/what we truly are...)

    Here are 2 video clips and a book that may be helpful:

    Escape the Prison of Your Own Mind - Eckhart Tolle

    Eckhart Tolle - 'Silence and Stillness'

    Here is a link to free download of the book “The Power of Now” by Eckhart Tolle, which talks a lot about how to handle thoughts (the paper book is available in most book stores around the world):


    On page 8 of the downloaded book, Eckhart talked about his own suicidal thoughts/experience. Below is quoted from this:

    "I cannot live with myself any longer." This was the thought that kept repeating itself in my mind. Then suddenly I became aware of what a peculiar thought it was. `Am I one or two? If I cannot live with myself, there must be two of me: the `I' and the `self' that `I' cannot live with." "Maybe," I thought, "only one of them is real."

    With loving wishes…
  17. prakash

    prakash Well-Known Member

    Hold pn Marti. dop not give up. Try to think positive, fun thoughts. Focus on pleasant things.
  18. Marti2003

    Marti2003 Well-Known Member

    If my gf is gonna break up, then I am lost, then it is over for me :(
  19. Constantinos

    Constantinos Well-Known Member

    Hello Marti2003,

    What happened with your girlfriend and she wants to break up?
  20. LoveBeing

    LoveBeing Well-Known Member

    Hi Marti,

    As you know, this kind of state of mind is not helpful to the situation. Your gf would be likely more concerned and probably imagine what it would be like to live with someone who is emotionally so dependent on her for the rest of her life…

    Girls would be drawn to you when you are emotionally stable/dependable. Love is not possessiveness or being possessed…

    You know that it is not over for you no matter what happens. Please do not let the mind lead you. Please let your heart lead you….be a good friend to yourself…

    hugs :hug:
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