I cannot have a relationship

Discussion in 'Family, Friends and Relationships' started by Pioneer, Jun 18, 2010.

  1. Pioneer

    Pioneer Well-Known Member

    I can't connect with anyone. I feel that I can't be close to anyone or be expressive. I have a hard time telling people how I feel or what I'm thinking. I can talk to girls, hold a conversation with them, and get them to laugh but I can't tell them how I feel.

    I think I have some sort of anxiety disorder, at least I was prescribed medication for it. It feels like women are always judging me, waiting for me to make the first move, expecting me to be perfect for them, wanting me to be something that I'm not. It takes a while for me to be completely comfortable around a girl but by that time they loose interest and find someone else. And sometimes they get pregnant by someone else.

    I don't think that things will change. I've lost confidence in myself and faith in women. So to prevent myself from turning into a woman hater I've stopped caring, stopped responding, and stopped reacting. I will become empty, dark, and cold. And I will leave this society as quickly as I can because I don't think I have a place in it.
  2. Forgotten_Man

    Forgotten_Man Well-Known Member

    Another I wish reply... :rolleyes:... oh well.

    I wish I was as good with women as you are man. :D I completely suck, I cannot even muster up a hello. Do not give up man. You are so close, well so much closer than me. Now comes the hard part, facing rejection >.> that I have no way of helping you with. I fear rejection as much as you. So make the first move. That is the social stigma. From what I have been told. If a girl is interested in you she will stay interested in you if you do. If you are rejected, well there are more fish in the sea.

    Have any pointers for how to converse with women XD? Do not give up you are so close... or at least that is what I see. Most guys would agree. :) teach me your ways :p.
  3. Avarice

    Avarice Well-Known Member

    Hello, Pioneer.

    May I begin by just saying that I can truly relate to what you're saying here. I have some pretty major anxiety problems myself, and as a result I have an extremely hard time trusting people and being able to open up. When you say you feel as though women expect certain things from you, is that something that they have shown to you, or something that you assume or predict that they are thinking? I have a Cognitive Behavioural Therapy book that talks about how people with anxiety and other similar conditons, have this tendancy to 'mind-read' in that they predict what another person is expecting from them or thinking, and take it as a fact.

    By the sounds of things, maybe you aren't meeting the right types of females? I know it took me a very long time to ever feel 100% comfortable with anybody, especially males, and when I did find that someone I found it suprisingly easy to talk about my feelings and true thoughts with them. Sometimes all you need is patience and hope that there is someone out there that you will be able to connect with on some level. However, if these girls are off getting pregnant by other men and not sticking around to get to know you more, my guess is they're not right for you in the first place.

    I can understand why you've decided to stop trying altogether in regards to women, and perhaps that is a good idea for now, but don't put yourself into a limited mindframe. Rather than thinking, "I'll never respond, react or care in regards to females ever again", perhaps try thinking more along the lines of, "Well, things aren't going so well for me at this stage of my life, and for now I'm just going to cease interactions with females for a while, and see what happens". In the meantime, I'd recommend seeing a therapist to try and sort your issues out, or try this book. It is full of interesting, helpful information which, by the sounds of things, will make a lot of sense to you given it sounds as though we are in similar situations. There are also activities inside for people to try out that can be helpful towards relieving anxiety slightly (or in some cases, a lot).

    Sorry for the length of my post, and I hope nothing I said offended or upset you.
  4. Pioneer

    Pioneer Well-Known Member

    Hey Avarice,

    I appreciate your advice and will take it to heart. I think you are right when it comes to my line of thinking. I'll leave women alone for a while and try to better myself again. I just graduated college and have been under alot of stress and I've been trying to talk to a few girls but to no success so I guess I'm venting a little.


    I really don't have alot of long conversations with women. XD
    I get them to laugh because of my imagination. I watch alot of anime and read comics online from time to time and I just think of random funny things. I really just mix two or more worlds together. EX: Girl gets mad at me for some stupid reason and takes something that belongs to me to get even. Response: "Go ahead and take it. I got some ninjas waiting at your house. Lets see how long you'll last!" Real world + Naruto.

    As for conversations. Every blue moon one of them wants to have an actual conversation with me and when that happens you can only do one of two things. 1) Talk about what you know and don't talk down on them. 2) Ask about what you don't know and stay interested in them.
  5. Forgotten_Man

    Forgotten_Man Well-Known Member

    :lol!: I run I.to the problem of only knowing about anime and video games as well. I guess I will just work on saying hello first. Thanks for the advice.
  6. Avarice

    Avarice Well-Known Member

    That's quite alright, I wish you luck with your anxiety issues and congratulations on graduating college. It's a good release to vent and if you need to talk further at all or vent to somebody one-on-one my PM box is always open. :]

    On a side note, it is nice to see some fellow anime fans!
  7. Forgotten_Man

    Forgotten_Man Well-Known Member

    Continuing the side not... It upsets me to see so many anime fans on here :(
  8. Prof.Bruttenholm

    Prof.Bruttenholm Well-Known Member

    Relationships are overrated
  9. Reki

    Reki Well-Known Member

    If it's any consolation, a lot of pretty successful people still watch anime (married, kids, have a house etc etc). If you like it, don't let the crowd change your mind for you.

    In response to your original post, all I can say is don't be afraid to fail. Everyone looks stupid sometimes learning what they don't know yet. As far as dating, or just hanging out with new people goes, honestly I don't think the number of mistakes goes too far down as you get more confidence in yourself. If you're approaching women for romantic reasons, you'll still fail all the time but you'll succeed all the time too. What will change is your reaction, it won't bother you or stop you from trying again because you know you're capable of success.

    Something someone said just a few weeks ago that really stuck with me is that a lot of the time people are afraid to approach a situation that isn't foolproof and there's no such thing as a foolproof situation. I think what you said earlier about taking a break for a while is a good idea. When you're ready you just have to go for it and see what works for you. Don't hold back because you're afraid of rejection, everyone gets rejected. Get rejected, let it bother you for a while, then move on and try again until you get better at it.
  10. johnnysays

    johnnysays Well-Known Member

    The bolded sequences confuse me. You say you can't express how you feel or what you think, yet you talk to girls, hold conversations, AND get them to laugh! Wow! I can't even say a single word to girls without choking up and tripping over myself or running into the wall. Just the other day I walked past 2 girls and never said a word but got so confused that I bumped some product off the shelf in hte aisle. My mind literally is inoperable when youngish females are near that don't look like wives. I get self-conscious. I go on autopilot.

    In a work setting I behave ok. I think because i treat work like it's a different universe. I don't get as nervous.
    Last edited by a moderator: Jun 20, 2010